Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I lied to my father. I told him I got money yesterday. In fact, I just got fired yesterday. I kept a really happy jolly voice when I spoke to him on the phone. FML
Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML
Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML
Today, I had to go cap in hand to my father-in-law to ask for a loan so I could pay the mortgage, so now he thinks I’m a useless bum who can’t support my family. The truth is it was his daughter the gambler who wasted all our savings, but I can’t bring myself to upset him by telling him the truth. FML
Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML
Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, on my way to see my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he wouldn't have to drive me there anymore. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JoeGrant 12
You should just tell him. Deal with the consequences like a man.
SaxophoneHero 12
Maybe he will accept a new born child in exchange for the fifty dollars..?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
thatghostdude 9
Shit, your ******
thatghostdude 9
50 dollars, the price to pay
jnchristensen 8
because certainly he'll never find out about now! good trickery on your part....
kalbrek009 20
How doe one "have to make up a lie" like that? Not that he'd really kill you, but I guarantee you're probably going to be paying much more than $50 in child support or the cost of raising a child now. YDI
LGuard 13
You spineless arsewidget.
idont9care 2
U sill have to do it sooner or later
Icewall42 1
Condoms. Ever heard of them? Take care of this problem while you still have the chance to. The world doesn't need anymore unwanted children.
DJEddieXZ 9
I don't understand why yall don't use condoms and expect not to get pregnant?
Jaevwyn 17
Don't be a fool Protect your tool
TheImaginarySong 16
Dude you really deserved it