Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
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Top comments
StackedDeck 2
Better than going to her funeral knowing that you could've made a difference. Be proud that you made the right decision.
andyyroxx 20
"Stop it mom, you're embarrassing me..." "Ermahgerd! Cer Keeeeeeeez!"
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Comments (87)
paintballnuts 5
You need to look at it like this be embarrassed for a week or regret your choice for life if u mom killed any one on her way home
hisgirlherboy 5
Colon after "look at it like this", and comma after "for a week". Also, your* and anyone*. God, this generation needs help
XtraEzeee 8
63- You forgot a period. Oh my God, your generation must be the stupidest group of people I've ever met! Everyone in your generation must have been born during an educational turmoil if they don't even know about the proper punctuation of a period at the end of a sentence! I am appalled. *shakes head in disappointment*
shireman97 6
How was the food??
Nymphetamatrix 19
Op's mother was just about to drive around the streets intoxicated not only endangering herself but others too and you ask how the food was? Dafuq, man.
mrnuleef 7
At least you dont think your mom is the "cool mom" for doing that. Good save.
teyyoshi 19
liu xiang , a hero, fell down in 110m hurdle say goodbye to my hero
Tidus0 17
And the chinese may have came first in swimming but yet they still manage to drown in Bondi beach (Sydney) RIP :(
reject214 10
She's the one who will be embarrassed tomorrow, not you. You're a hero. You could have saved her life, or saved the life of an innocent person who she could have killed. Makes me sick.
laurenlovesjb 20
At least you saved your mom's life, OP. as embarrassing as it could have been, look past it and think about the lives you saved!:)
loserman67 36
Good for you for doing the right thing, saving your mother's and possibly other peoples lives. But I must ask, did the embarrassment come only from the fact that your mother was drunk? Or because she took you in two out of three falls?
emmanhall11 3
I like to say in public, "mom, you're drunk."
perdix 31
I'm imagining a guy in tights in a WWF ring getting pummeled by a little, drunk, old lady in a Mexican wrestling mask flinging herself off the ropes to lay the smackdown on the OP while defiantly displaying the keys. Did anyone else read it that way?
SammyS2012 21
I saw it with the same scene and outfits, but with headlocks and choke slams going down instead of the flinging off ropes.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I almost had a heart attack; I read 'flinging' as 'fingering'.
DespairFaction 11
You could have just put her down easily with a sleeper hold. OP: Sorry mom but you can't drive. Mom: Whadeer yous mean I caa.... OP: Goodnight.