Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
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Top comments
StackedDeck 2
Better than going to her funeral knowing that you could've made a difference. Be proud that you made the right decision.
andyyroxx 20
"Stop it mom, you're embarrassing me..." "Ermahgerd! Cer Keeeeeeeez!"
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Comments (87)
challan 19
kudos op! Good for you! I hope you were dressed like Hulk Hogan and one of the old GLOW girls, because that's how I'm picturing it in my head!
klx125cross 9
LOL!
Enslaved 38
Did you give her the Smackdown and ask "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking"? It isn't BBQ, mom!
linkinpark98 24
You hang out with your friends and mom at BBQ's? I didn't know people did that.
hisgirlherboy 5
I'm guessing it was one of those "family and friends" BBQs
KiddNYC1O 22
Not weird at all.
blink_kid 32
Not your fault, you're just being responsible.
sassypenguinxox 15
Ahhhh, responsible parenting at its finest.
GlobalGenocide 8
Besides the embarrassment of having a mum who doesn't understand drinking and driving this isn't even a FML. In fact I would say its a win, you possibly just saved people's lives. Anyone who drinks and drives is an absolute ******** and deserves jail time. I have(in the flesh) seen people die from drink driving(not a pretty picture) and have zero tolerance for it.
CherryLipBalm 1
That'll do kid, that'll do...
mario2012 18
I hope your mom won lol.
zuzupetalsYO 11
51 you are the biggest dumbass of all time.
TheJester12 15
And then suddenly you realized everyone around you was chanting " cat fight , cat fight" reguardless of what was going on. Next time give them a real show with a choke slam onto a manure pile! ( yes i can really only picture this fml on a red neck farm)