Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
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Top comments
johnthejolly 10
So by your logic you really are a son of a bitch
glimmer980 20
That sucks but at least you took them home instead of letting them drive home themselves putting many more people in danger. You're a good guy OP
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Comments (83)
Unbweavable 17
Why does your MOTHER have to be a bitch?
incoherentrmblr 22
I hope the other bitch was her friend and not your sister...
adrian1910 15
Guess that makes OP a SoB.
Regimental_Phan 18
I guess you could now categorize him as a "Son of a bitch".
johnthejolly 10
So by your logic you really are a son of a bitch
Draugen 16
A responsible son of a bitch, no less!
cheeeksss 29
I keep hearing Lily's voice from HIMYM... "You son of a bitch!" Or in OP's mom's case... "You son of a me!"
meggieeeee92 27
Hey at least she was being responsible and having someone drive her home. And you're a good kid for doing it :)
xxXadza58Xxx 12
FYL if she was a bitch to you !,If she even realised you were her son!
xninix_fml 36
Lol I'm sure she recognized now considering she gave birth to him. At least she didn't try driving home I voted fyl though because it does suck that he had to be the one to take her, and her friends home.
bombielol 20
atleast you now know your mom knows how to have fun (:
glimmer980 20
That sucks but at least you took them home instead of letting them drive home themselves putting many more people in danger. You're a good guy OP
cre8tvlylicnsd 14
Good what? The suspense is killing me!
xninix_fml 36
@31 You know what he meant.
flufee2 27
Why would you call them bitches at all?? ******
xsydneyx123 28
Yikes. Well at least she asked for a ride. Most people tend to forget about safety. You're a good son for giving them a ride.
lazyslumber 18
You seem judgmental OP. Would women having fun and getting drunk make them bitches?
buckstop1 37
Judgmental? You are just as much judgmental. OP has known his mother his whole life, so how is OP being "judgemental".
garrett_8614 14
I don't see how you came to that conclusion #9. You're really stretching it.
milehigh52 22
I think he is upset at them because they are middle aged women that are drunk and probably loud. They ruined his night so he calls them a bitch to express his anger.
garrett_8614 14
My thing is, he didn't say they were bitches because they were drunk. Maybe he called them bitches because that's how they were acting.
Bulldozer36 21
Sounds like someone is jealous their mother has more of a social life than they do.
DocBastard 40
I didn't know that getting drunk was a synonym for having a social life. Is it jealousy to be pissed off about having to drive your drunk mother home?
GunSlinger69 19
Why is getting completely smashed so cool? I'd rather not spend 5 hours with my head in the toilet the net day.