Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, I found out that my overweight daughter’s teacher starved her during a pizza party. She made her wait an hour until the entire class got a slice and their seconds. When it was her turn, there was only one tiny slice. According to her, she, “looks like she hasn’t missed a meal, she’ll be alright.” FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I was told it is "fatphobic" to "assume someone's weight is related to their food choices" and that I have a "problematic relationship with food." All because I didn't want to eat a bigger slice of the cake someone brought in at work. FML
Today, I wanted to believe that people couldn't possibly be this stupid, but prior to surgery my brother's wife was put on an all-liquid diet. The idiot didn’t realize that putting cake and ice cream in a blender didn’t make it a fucking clear liquid. She argued, “I’m not eating it, I’m drinking it!” FML
Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML
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Top comments
khorstmye 15
But pizza is healthy right?
AhmadTarhini 8
One just can't simply give up eating pizza tbh
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Comments (49)
khorstmye 15
But pizza is healthy right?
Dillyduzit 23
That was kind of my first thought. Like, regardless of the bread issue, what kind of diet lets you have pizza?
photographer49 22
#1 Pizza is very healthy! It has tomatoes in it!
KK3137 31
Of course it is! Pizza grows on the pizza tree, and everything grown on a tree is healthy!
phaelnb 26
It is! It's considered salad in the US, right?
NotGabe 28
Yes, it is healthy. After all, back in 2011 the US Congress declared that all that pizza sauce is, indeed, a vegetable!
1dvos_grl3 21
chocolate grows off trees.....
MrConcise 35
I thought white-sauce pizza *actually was* healthy.
stephanyovalle 15
Actually, cocoa beans grow on trees, and they're really healthy. But people love turning into chocolate, adding sugar and caramel and other sweets.
JazNim17 18
My 8th grade science teacher believed pizza was healthy. According to her, pizza is a "perfect food" because it can contain all food groups. A lot of students believed her, too. No wonder we're the fattest state.
Angelkisses130 26
It has tomatoes. Tomatoes are healthy. Tomatoes are in salad. Pizza is salad.
penguinazul 13
it can be if it has the right ingredients. Thin, whole wheat crust with a tomato based sauce, mozzarella, and lots of veggies and lean protein make a perfectly healthy pizza. its when you start throwing in greasy meats and super thick crusts that ruin it.
kewpiesuicide 29
They stopped using the food pyramid in like 2009. Now it's called 'my plate'.
iShanny 13
Good thing stupid's not catching!
Otherhats 20
Thank god, but if it is I should probably avoid commenting here again.
Goblin182 27
Are you sure its not? Cause there are so many of them.
Compgeek1996 5
It's not contagious, but it is known to be a genetic defect. If only we could require common sense standards for parenthood; remove the morons from the gene pool. While very difficult to overcome, stupid can be managed through intense therapy to correct the issues. Early intervention is key for this to be successful. I'm afraid it may be too late for your coworker.
drunkmunkey 24
I used to work at a pizza place, you might be surprised at the ignorance of some people: "I wanna bread bowl with no noodles cyz I don't eat carbs man hook me up"
iwadasn 33
You wouldn't believe how many people who think they're "gluten intolerant" order a pizza with gluten-free crust and then get a box of breadsticks too.
Chilupa 28
^ and then order a beer to wash it down.
Gingacutie 4
I have celiac disease and one of my teachers was like oh yeah I understand I have a gluten intolerance... And then she continued to bring in cookies for the class and ate them as well... And didn't even think of her legitimately gluten free student. The stupid is to damn high
rawrmuffinsnom 18
People amaze me. Honestly how dumb can you be. I hate going out and having to request gluten free because I know it is a big deal when making the food. I read ingredients in everything because I don't want to chance it.
JayVicious 20
If those cookies were store bought I understand that, but if they were home made they could indeed be glutenfree. I make glutenfree cookies n cakes etc. all the time. Another thing about eating glutenfree at a resturant is if the food is cooked in the same thing the food that contains gluten is, it defeats the purpose....not to mention you will also have to cook in gluten free pots n pans etc.
Queen_bee1234 21
She butter be joking.
happysmile987 24
er no. Just no.
TDog3337 12
That would have been funny, except butter has nothing to do with pizza
lokar_ogar 11
#24 thats not entirely true, they do use a butter flavored oil on pretty much the entire surface of the dough, and then again on the crust once its cooked. at least at dominos.
Queen_bee1234 21
Guess I knead to stop making horrible puns.
False_Stupidity 42
Butter is associated with bread however and that is part of the FML too.
MelTheGreat 23
Is butter a carb?
wvcheesehead 13
I butter my pizza crusts, honest real butter, pretty sure margarine causes cancer.
slackerjoe 22
butter is fat from milk... real butter anyways
jpsullivan 36
isn't pizza considered a vegetable to the american government? maybe your coworker is american
stingray112 24
Wth are you talking about
Sillsallad 15
Was an issue a couple of years ago. Schools had to offer vegetables for lunch, so they decided that the sauce on a pizza counts
BlondePsycho 43
According to the Reagan administration, ketchup and tomato sauce is considered a good source of vegetables so its possible shes just using out of date standards. Michelle Obama would not put up with such nonsense.
gobiteme2 34
Michelle wouldn’t point it out but her big back side sure would
AhmadTarhini 8
One just can't simply give up eating pizza tbh
ThatDamHuntress 20
Not everyone likes Pizza.
Retaheki 27
Next you'll be saying people don't like ice cream.
Mauskau 36
I used to love pizza, now it leaves me bloated for several days and I just feel rubbish afterwards, so I tend to avoid it. Although they're the kind of food you can advertise or waft past someone and everyone wants some :(
ThatDamHuntress 20
You should google what is in pizzeria pizza. I only eat Homemade Pizza I find the difference to be VERY high. I hate the greasy taste but, you know if you fancy grease for lunch, be my guest.
Retaheki 27
OK, I did, and only got results for other pizzerias. Besides, I don't know what hillbilly, backwoods-ass place you get your pizza, but mine has an A in sanitation, and doesn't use some questionable ingredients. Bread, cheese, tomato sauce, pepperoni, butter, garlic seasonings.
ThatDamHuntress 20
Trust me not every one likes pizza! Why am I getting down voted for something that's true? Does everyone here like Cauliflower? Or Carrots? No but, if we said so we wouldn't be considered crazy. So why the hell should it be different for bacon and pizza!? It just doesn't appeal to me!
MELKOZAR 27
Well tomato paste is healthy?
BlondePsycho 43
Not if sugar is added to it.
chefcow 17
I bet your co worker eats sandwiches and says it's not the same thing as bread
1234CATS4321 15
Pizza has all 4 food groups though.... It's healthy!
xKrisSmoove 21
The food pyramid was shaped like a pizza, the food plate is where you put the pizza…therefore pizza is healthy