Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ke59100 1
could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?
maskedman 9
At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (174)
awks 0
awkward for you then ☆〜（ゝ。∂）
cartez2gs 3
face it your girl looks like a baboon's colon. lol!!!
ChibiKarr 3
HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN???
DocBastard 40
Am I the only one who read this as, "Today, I went to eat out my girlfriend..."? I figured the waiter was there to bring a napkin. I guess the mind sees what it chooses to see.
sourgirl101 29
I saw that too, but than again, I have a dirty mind. Nice to see I'm not the only one. Who needs a napkin went he could just wipe his face off with the inside of her thighs? Btw Doc, you're 69.(:
RedPillSucks 33
Damn you DocBastard!!! I'm not suppose to laugh out loud at work! It pisses off the psych patients!
sourgirl101 29
^when. Oops
DocBastard 40
marinus, er, suniram, are you saying you're quicker-witted (quick-witteder?) than I, have a greater sense of decorum than I, or both?
JustJess666 0
wow yea I saw that too. but no napkins needed cuz apparently she looks like a man so he can just use her beard or ball sack to clean his face off.
mpclaw 3
was your hair nice? did you have on make up? girlie cloths? or, are you overweight and unkempt!
jose1760 1
Use that as a excuse to use the "back door" in bed tonight! Role playing is awesome!
rencegoh 0
wow u have a fetish for girls who are manly.
RedPillSucks 33
OP. Your girlfriend should have replied: *The only tip you're gonna get is when you suck my dick!*
rainbowveins2010 6
Damn thats gotta suck :/
zasha22 0
no.10 is hot!!!