Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
Today, I flirted with the cashier at the local bagel joint. I complimented her unique blue hair and got her number. Later on that evening, she served my girlfriend and me our food at a different restaurant. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Arcterion 0
Dump her ass. Clearly she does not care about you.
UpYourself 0
Can anybody say......threesome
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Comments (206)
AngelRaven89 0
Bummer dude, you can do better tho:)
Card_Games 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Eh seriously-- my girlfriend is Bi too. I'd be tick'd if I were you.
Reyo 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wait untill they're on the date and see what happens. Wait untill they do something only couples would do, and THEN dump her. for all we know, she's doing it to get under your skin.
ScoobyDoo22 0
ay yo 1# u a dam nurd. i wud bet a millin dollers that u jus spend al day on this websight, jus wateing fo a new stori, then pounse on it like a motherfucking puma pounses on yo mammas pussy. nurd
Shadic 0
I think #38 may actually have a mental disability, so we probably shouldn't flame the moronic jackass too much. As for #15, that's bullshit. If you let your significant other do shit just to piss you off, you're in a shitty relationship.
chadwick_rox 0
"ay yo 1# u a dam nurd. i wud bet a millin dollers that u jus spend al day on this websight, jus wateing fo a new stori, then pounse on it like a motherfucking puma pounses on yo mammas pussy. nurd" CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE KIDS ARE LISTENING TO THE RAP MUSIC!!!
tyhillman 0
This FML is more like a MLIG. Can you say threesome haha jk. #38, the only nerd I see is you.
i_got_it 0
Man, give #38 a break.. He just smoked some kush... give thee kid some time.
Labamba 0
Well, if being a nerd means spelling correctly and not sounding like an ignorant loser then I'm happy to be a nerd. LEARN YOUR "BIG PEOPLE" WORDS #38! He didn't do anything to you. Stop being a jerk.
Dcvictorious 0
I bet your a prick
Zhejan 0
Look at the bright side, at least your boyfriend's getting some ass
Khiash 6
what boyfriend?
AngelRaven89 0
lol 38 no actually i just happened to sign on at the right time.. If i cared about being first, i would have been like all the other idiots and said "FIIIRST!!"
DameGreyWulf 1
44 has it right. 15, what the hell? Communication is key; if she has an issue, she should say something instead of dating other people. Dating someone else when you're already in a relationship is just ridiculous anyway, "couple things" or not. Also that waitress sounds a like a dumb bimbo. "OLOL UR HAWTS U GOTS SO? I MEEN DATS TTLY UR BRO SITTING W/ U AMIRITE?" If your girl wants to be with someone so mentally deficient, I say you're better off without her, most definitely.
Pointy130 0
MUST...RESIST...URGE...TO...FLAME...#38...
DameGreyWulf 1
... Why would you have to establish it as a rule to not date other people? We call that common sense and/or common courtesy and/or being faithful.
jadevictor 0
God that sucks
skaffz 0
girlfriend, waitress? If you like girl on girl action you're pretty lucky atm. Just make it clear she has to share.
luisarose 0
@135: Actually, I'm bisexual myself and I wouldn't date a girl and a guy at the same time, because I have sexual and romantic feelings for both and they would indeed be a threat to one another. A relationship I would have with a girl would not be different from one I would have with a guy because I would certainly marry a girl (like myself), considering it's legal where I live and I prefer them anyway. So if your girlfriend is legitimately bisexual and going on a real date with this waitress, I wouldn't accept it because it really is the same as having a date with a different guy.
DameGreyWulf 1
Agreed with 153, and I am bisexual myself. It's an equal relationship, and that girl /would/ be competition. She could easily run off with her and leave you behind.
DameGreyWulf 1
A dual relationship like that just proves they don't truly love either person they're dating...
liveandletlive89 0
This isn't even a FML. Maybe she's straight but wants to have a good time; thus the laughing. Just have a talk with her about stuff, if you didnt even know she was bi, YDI.
DameGreyWulf 1
He was the one laughing, not her. Why is everyone seemingly under the assumption that bisexual means "I'm just looking to date/screw as many people as possible"...? Why would he have to know she was bi? I mean, sure you'd think it comes up, but you don't exactly ask your partner what their orientation is, since it wouldn't really make sense to once you're already together... Beforehand, you just do like the waitress does and ask if they're available. I mean, I've never heard of anyone asking "what orientation are you?" as a pick up line. Sounds like a reasonable idea, but since when are people reasonable? Also as an afterthought, chaos, if were boyfriend and girlfriend and you ever asked me "is it okay to date other people?" or said to me "I don't mind if you date other girls" I would actually be insulted. The question and those like it would sound like YOU had intentions to date other people. The statement and those like it would sound like you were just trying for a threesome and didn't really care about me. Just saying.
ayra7939 0
Lolz, maybe he just thinks they're Bf/gf when they're just friends... It happens. It happened before. I accepted one offer to go with my friend to the movies, and now he's telling every one that he's my boyfriend. Seriously? So check that she knows she's your girlfriend.......................Wait, you said waitress? Ooh, sucks to be you. Ever see Will and Grace where Grace fears she turnes her boyfriend? lolz...
ayra7939 0
the s is so close to the d, I obviously meant to say turned, not turnes, since that is not a word, it would be turns. Ok, so turns... Sorry for the double post, I didn't want to seem like a stupid teen who only knows text language, but not how to spell... And this site only allows you a small window of opportunity to edit your post, and you can't delete... wth? why not? I guess I'm about to hit spill the beans now...
harryman04 0
@ #14 threesome hell ya dude!!!!!!! =D FTW
shoelaces301 0
uum wat?
TehGirreth 0
44, I heard if you say "shit" a lot, you have a small penis
tatababe 1
I think OP turned her bi
THEsuperMANLYman 10
Easy, dump that bitch
Adamt 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
first!
SuperFlyTilliDie 0
Fail.
Ichigoner 0
fail.
basketballbrian 0
haha dumbass
gizmo_987 0
lol, FAIL
Zombierella 2
Win.
shoelaces301 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Learn to count dumb-ass. Maybe then you can get a gf/bf and can stop wasting time on FML trying, and pathetically failing, to comment first.
Arcterion 0
Dump her ass. Clearly she does not care about you.
shuttuplily 0
OHHH! ha so are you still going out?
UpYourself 0
Can anybody say......threesome
Nex_Iuguolo 0
srsly that moron should go with them instead of acting like a bitch
diet_otaku 0
i'm glad i'm not the only one that thought this!
gis_mappr 0
girlfriend + waitress = hot lesbo action
justjayit 0
Hot lesbo action does not make up for her careless ass. Dump her.
JazzProphet 0
Dude, ask her if you can come! xD
babygraprefruit 0
At what point did you realize she wasn't giving the waitress her number for kicks? YDI for laughing while it happened.
smartalek 2
I like your hair.
doggie3 0
Wait. Are you a lesbian? Cuz if u r, I support u 100%. But anyway, that sucks.
dnlphm94 0
The OP is a guy.
v1kt4r 13
It says man right next o the OP's username, pay attention