Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML
Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. When I went to pay my bill, one of the owners jokingly said, "Are you here to apply for a job?" Since I've been unemployed for a while and trying to find work, I said, "What would you like me to do?" She replied, "That was a rhetorical question." I knew it. FML
Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML
Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple that their “vibrator will go off when a table is available.” I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML
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Top comments
manb91uk 22
That's one articulate table - God damn!
MidnaLink 35
He’s still better with his comments than you. I have half a mind to suspect you have Tourettes.
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Comments (13)
manb91uk 22
That's one articulate table - God damn!
MidnaLink 35
He’s still better with his comments than you. I have half a mind to suspect you have Tourettes.
manb91uk 22
Careful, he'll be posting pointless abuse on every one of your comments next! It's actually kinda flattering though... I've never had a crazy stalker before! 😂
RichardPencil 32
You’re probably going to get stiffed in the tip, so it might be fun if their food was lightly seasoned with spit, boogers and earwax. ;)
mas12806 24
What do talking tables usually say?
Porsha Carver 1
#SHADE U know not to be expecting a tip from them then smh 🧾