Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML
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Top comments
ke59100 1
could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?
maskedman 9
At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.
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Comments (174)
Mr_Zachary 0
gross
BelleElle_fml 0
I love OPs name. :D
Ryanfmlfiend 0
op ur gf is ugly as ****
Thin_Ice_fml 0
At least OP really isn't gay.
smokeymcpottt 3
Leave the girl alone! It's all for the sake of Movember!
PSQ91 6
Try using a bra -_-
iSitt 0
they're all pink on the inside
ortega_fml 0
YDI for going out with such a manly woman.
spiker84 0
56 is hot
login6437 0
lol ^^ says the 15 year old
irishjake590 1
yah sexy
spiker84 0
"lol ^^ says the 15 year old" said justin bieber.
ryliz 0
whoever makes Justin beiber jokes is probably 15
Mehness 0
146 - True. Even more so because nobody looks like Justin Bieber in this "conversation," nor was it a well placed joke.
SkyEatsJack 4
Yeah that was pretty much the lamest comeback I've seen in awhile.
jeff_chen 0
True
TK1279 2
hahaha time for a new gf op
jackien1 6
what does op mean?
TK1279 2
it's like this, everyone in the world uses it here, so in turn to be cool, use it to. just like the bridge, if everyone was doing it would you? OF COUSE, you can't repopulate to world by yourself can you?
amysousa 6
op means original poster.
TK1279 2
and WHAT does that mean? D:
BenD0VER 0
NO! It means Obvious Penis.
amysousa 6
It means original poster. And the girl is the op's niece...
BenD0VER 0
No, the girl looks like a guy, so she obviously has a penis.
TK1279 2
AWKWARD! haha or op means go outside and get some fresh air and get off the computer?
amysousa 6
original poster means the person who wrote this FML that you commented on. and I'm crazy it actually said niece. sorry...
TK1279 2
moderators aren't nice :(
BenD0VER 0
I know. They killed my joke. :-(
BenD0VER 0
^ Watch as 22 gets removed. This one probably will too, haha. Hey, is FML based out of China? Or is it owned by the Chinese government, at least?
bailes_o_hay 0
well dont we look silly Mr Dover?
BenD0VER 0
^ Not really. Maybe the FML staff kept my comments up because they have been enlightened that their excessive censorship borders on that of China. Or, maybe it was to prove me wrong. If that is the case, I really don't need any backup; my points are evident in nearly every other FML.
MyTwoCents_ 0
no it means opisitoon
rallets 23
operations
instnt1nfction 17
funny how you people the subject
Cyosaric 0
lolCOCK
BenDoverReturns 0
@59 and 64: Oh yes, I look like an idiot. Or perhaps you look like poltroons. '**** yeah, let's dis him then ban his account so he can't reply! Genius!' While you're at it, why don't you remove this comment and ban this account? It will only prove my point. Oh, and do feel free to ban this IP. It's fake anyways. :-P
BenDoverReturns2 0
How much of an ass am I? I couldn't be bothered to read the website rules, and think I'm entitled to act like a spoiled child because I didn't get my own way. Any other comment I make is just going to make me look like an even bigger child, and nobody gives a toss what I think in the first place! I'll just go play with myself for a minute, and then I'll be back to have a little moan again!
DocBastard 40
Alas, poor BenDover! I knew him, Horatio. /not obscure?
BenDoverReturns3 0
@59 and 64: Oh yes, I look like an idiot. Or perhaps you look like poltroons. '**** yeah, let's dis him then ban his account so he can't reply! Genius!' While you're at it, why don't you remove this comment and ban this account? It will only prove my point. Oh, and do feel free to ban this IP. It's fake anyways. :-P --- HAHAHA! Thanks for proving my point. Today's my day off and I'm bored. So I'll be back.
BenDoverReturns3 0
@59 and 64: Oh yes, I look like an idiot. Or perhaps you look like poltroons. '**** yeah, let's dis him then ban his account so he can't reply! Genius!' While you're at it, why don't you remove this comment and ban this account? It will only prove my point. Oh, and do feel free to ban this IP. It's fake anyways. :-P --- HAHAHA! Thanks for proving my point. Today's my day off and I'm bored. So I'll be back. --- @79: '**** yeah, let's edit his comment because we're so cool! What a bunch of ******* we are!' Meh, this is too much fun and I'd rather just waste your time. So keep watching this thread, bitches. Are you even getting paid for your pathetic "job"?
MissErikaHart 0
lol WTF?
SARSvirus79 0
Lol. Quite_Insane is quite entertaining...
BenDoverReturns4 0
@59 and 64: Oh yes, I look like an idiot. Or perhaps you look like poltroons. '**** yeah, let's dis him then ban his account so he can't reply! Genius!' While you're at it, why don't you remove this comment and ban this account? It will only prove my point. Oh, and do feel free to ban this IP. It's fake anyways. :-P --- HAHAHA! Thanks for proving my point. Today's my day off and I'm bored - this is too much fun and I'd rather just waste your time. So keep watching this thread, bitches. Are you even getting paid for your pathetic "job"?
poeticjustice314 0
Maybe you meant "opposition"?
tylerpatton 0
Object of the preposition?
iThinkImSane 0
I know you! You went to Fairbank right? :D
FuckTheMods2 0
Mods: **** YOU and your censorship of comments! Take this down. NOW, BITCHES! Oh, and I ORDER YOU to ban this account and this IP address. I'll be back, *******.
Cookiegirl222 0
Funny moderators....
kaycee1996 5
Or he could just stay with his current girlfriend coz he likes her for who she is not what she looks like -_-
ashleyylove3 22
177, agreed
ke59100 1
could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?
kkyl 1
no that wouldn't have been better it's worse for a girl to be called a man
qwertyasdf12345 4
how is that worse?
bebacklater 0
ydi...go get a pretty one! at least one that looks like a girl!
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
Obviously he didn't get with her for her looks. Go die.
ajeppsen 25
She may be attractive to him. The waiter may have made a innocent mistake by looking at her and assuming she was a male, I've done it before but I thought the male was a female. Either way FYL OP.
ashleyylove3 22
5, OP is of a rare breed called the gentlemen. Learn from him.
liecake 0
More of an F Her Life.
BenD0VER 0
YDI for dating a guy. xD
madasmercury 0
Don't be homophobic! lol
fatman217 0
both of you are talking about shemales deal with it.if not go get a mangina
Tsui 0
LOOOOOLLLL WTF xDDDDD
thisgirl2u 9
And this will be your girlfriend's version of today's event : " Today, I went out for a nice dinner with my boyfriend. The waiter being nice asked what the two gentlemen would like to drink, I'm a girl. fml" Seriously though FHL :(
hashmita 0
Yeah, it's more like an FML for your girlfriend.
maskedman 9
At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.
rockhound 0
.....and beard.
maskedman 9
…and penis.
BenD0VER 0
maskedman - I love your pic! I also liked that show, back in the day.
phreshboi 1
I can't see it im on my iPod, I see the call of duty but Norbert other part
phreshboi 1
not the other part*
W4X 0
It says Carl on Duty Black Cops with a picture from Carl from Family Matters. Kthxbye
Zaros_fml 24
Winner.
fatman217 0
your gay;-|