Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML
Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date spent the whole time at the restaurant on his phone and didn't even try to show interest. Thankfully I'll never have to deal with this individual ever again. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered, "Fuck it" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
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Top comments
sn24swim 13
if shes going to leave you after something stupid like that, you're better off without her OP
tj4234 36
For the record, I like quiche.
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Comments (138)
kayla2228 14
"left, I guess" I lol'd at that.
Ava_Darkflame 26
dis bitch got problems.
disney_blonde 16
You thought she was going to sleep with you after the first date?
MasteredBastard 16
That was my thought. YDI for thinking a blind date would be warming your bed.
delfino1604 24
you're better off with your hand, don't want any dumb offspring.
Jburky_10 15
yeah . . . you probably didnt wanna hit that anyways bro!???
sassy2085 16
Not cool on a first date
Nm_fml 10
You are so much better off without her lol!!
rockwrench 18
Try saving your correcting grammar for FML. That might get you to first base.
afallingstar 22
She sounds pretty dumb to leave you after that...I think you're better off with Rosie (righty) or Jill (lefty).
kjlancaster 21
Ever heard the phrase, "Nobody likes a know-it-all," ? Jerk.