Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Today, on top of learning that I have three discs pressing on my spinal column and a labral tear, I also found out my left testicle dropped, but not my right one. I'm nearly 40 and I need to see a urologist over this. After the surgeries to fix my spine and hip. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
DjeePee 25
You totally deserved it. There is nothing more to be said. Hopefully you'll now have learned the importance of words like 'respect', 'loyalty', 'love' and 'peoplewhocheatdeservetobekickedintheballs'.
tintin1 0
Next time, don't cheat. Idiot.
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Comments (669)
DontHateAppricia 0
Wow can you say instant fail?!
tweetbaby14 18
First off, you're full of crap, if you don't normally try to insult people you wouldn't try now when you're the idiot. No where in my comment did I state, or imply, that double standards are okay I said there would not be any if people treated each other the same from the start, dumbass. No where in my comment did I say, or imply, that men never experience emotional pain and that's the bottom line. Actually, I've been told by my guy friends being called a ***** or a **** doesn't phase them nor does much else that makes females all emotional so... Also, you have no idea what my race is so acting like you know me and saying me or any of my family members deserve to get beaten up because of what happened to Jews was a stupid thing to say, none of my ancestors are German or were part of the Holocaust nor are any of my family members Palestinian. Here's a hint at my part of my race your ancestors took my ancestors from their country to do all your lazy ass people's work they could've done by their-*******-selves. Honestly if you can't understand something: 1. Stop reading it as soon as you get confused 2. Don't comment Figure it out, chief. oh, and to the guy that typed out that gay phrase, no one was talking to you. stay out of it, and talk to your girlfriend then she won't cheat on you because you choose to spend all your time on the computer as opposed to being with her.
fthku 13
1. Do tell me, what does "maybe if people had been treating each other equally from the start there would be no need for double standards" exactly mean, then? 2. You didn't state men don't go through emotional pain? OK, that was the second part of my question, which you so graciously ignored (As you ignored many parts of my comment). DO I now get to beat up my girlfriend if she cheats on me? Also, your "guy friends" don't account for the entire male population of the world, last I checked. It's also possible that they were lying to you. I would never cheat, but if I did, I would be feeling very guilty, and I think people reminding me of it would probably make me feel worse. 3. That was an example. I'll speak slowly: Ex-am-ple. I didn't actually say your great grandma did anything to mine. Did you *really* not understand this, or are you just trying to make an ass out of yourself? 4. My ancestors took your ancestors? really now. I am seriously doubting you even know what you're talking about, I'm not sure how I should even begin explaining to you where you are wrong. Nor should it matter even if it WAS true. Just as I resent no GermanBritishEgyptian or even Palestinian people - the ones that just want to live in peace - you shouldn't resent anyone today, unless THEY *specifically* did something to youyour "race". Your last 2 points are incredibly ironic as you did not understand anything I've written. I'm starting to doubt whether you're aware of the nonsense you yourself are spewing.
AloysiusWeasley 15
Thank you for posting this so we all have someone to point and laugh at. I suddenly long for a Whac A Mole game were every mole was labeled 'YDI' so every time I smashed one, I could think I was smashing the YDI for your post again and again.
AmazingLadyy13 0
Asshole.
JamBox 3
ok yes hes an asshole but you women out their when you sack a man its like taking a grenade and shoving it down your throat. also it was a bad idea for the girls to hurt him because now he can sue them for assault
imneverhigh8p 0
douche
Failatlife101 0
You deserved it stupid. If I were one of those girls I would have broken your face.
textwork 4
that's what you get for being a dick
metalhead5564 0
You asshole. I hate guys like you, who think they can just use girls and think it's okay.
zuczman 0
dude...giodluck next time. one girl friend at a time would help the luck and also, girls, seriously violence isnt the answer. :P