Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML
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Top comments
jannygirl11 2
By no one but her, hopefully?
scott1092 9
Good one tho.
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Comments (131)
Stitcher 14
Maybe she's claimed them as her own, seeing as they're hers. Douche.
OceanaSerene 5
She had a good come back
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Do you want some aloe vera for that burn?
silverstream20 20
That sounds like just a very nasty sarcastic joke. May not necessarily mean she's cheating, I would recommend knowing for sure first.
HamletsElsinore 9
I think you walked or grabbed into that one...
Omniprism 15
By her, maybe?
Zebediabolical 45
Some of us haven't watched it yet. Thanks for the spoilers. This goes for both OP and the commenters.
RandomCommentor 2
#109 YDI. If you didn't want it to be spoiled you could have stopped reading after "Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead" and you didn't have to read the comments either.
JustTemporary 24
Isn't there a saying that a girls boobs belong to her best friend?
dreishot 1
ask her for the insurance policy. .
King_paradox 22
Did you try closing girlfriend.exe and opening it again?