Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML
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Top comments
jannygirl11 2
By no one but her, hopefully?
scott1092 9
Good one tho.
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Comments (131)
ace_arnie 7
Next time she wants the D, tell her it's been claimed already....
lil_miss_simran 15
lol that sucks
justtheotherguy 12
They are claimed by "just the other guy, hey that's me.."
XCrazyMofo2010X 17
There's a pretty good chance she said that because you pissed her off by grabbing her boob
powerkicker 13
Hopefully not by anyone else but her...
ileenefudge 29
Do you need a burn heal for that burn? But seriously, she probably said that because she didn't feel comfortable with you grabbing her like that. And if she meant they were claimed by Daryl I would totally understand because he is cute :)
rawlings123 17
I'm caught up and all so it doesn't affect me but come on man spoilers.
Ki11erC 18
I'm not and I'm trying hard not to think this through to much.
blurider17 11
Ouch!
darkfireflame 15
Time to dump her ass.
travelfreak 20
Why so much info on the walking dead?