Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML
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Top comments
jannygirl11 2
By no one but her, hopefully?
scott1092 9
Good one tho.
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Comments (131)
scott1092 9
Good one tho.
gracehi 33
An FML about my favorite imaginary husband, and I miss first comment by several dozen. Gosh darn it.
Soloman212 28
Very many dozens, in fact.
gracehi 33
Less than 8 but more than 2. I don't do maths.
TheOrangeProon 13
I'm not sure you've done the Internet before either.
jannygirl11 2
By no one but her, hopefully?
derpina72 23
That's what I was thinking. She was probably talking about herself, OP.
CHUBBYninja 18
Her dad has the deed to the property.
Stazza11 27
As soon as she reaches the legal age to have sex which is 16 the only thing her father can do is exercise the fact that she is a minor and stop her from leaving the house etc. Other than that her father has no say as to whom she does anything with.
EpicSquishii 21
So
dachayke 16
Dude, really?
dachayke 16
That was towards #50. I haven't been on this site in so long, I forgot you have to do that.
1tsmenoah 20
#50 Please don't be one of those know-it-all FML users that just make themselves look like complete idiots
gracehi 33
Too late. :P
Jakob2255 12
16 will get you 20
imaxmain 24
As this is an Australian FML, the legal age is 16
justagirl1998 10
Wow. You must be fun at parties..-.-
Meggston 17
That's hilarious..
silvercamaro 22
A lot of the FML's posted tend to be pretty funny. I burst a few chuckles after reading this one
Meggston 17
I think so. It's only bad if he's really insecure.
ericb982 8
You should just never comment again.
ep27 8
Lol right
Meggston 17
That's hurtful. You don't know me. You don't know the troubles I've seen.
dachayke 16
^ Every emo ever
Meggston 17
It's a song, and I'm not emo.
dachayke 16
#55, oh. Well shit.
Meggston 17
You guys are getting mad because I found something funny. I'm sorry I offended you, I just thought it was a good come back.. Is all...
Meggston 17
I'm also sorry I called him insecure. I've just dated boys like that, and they say they don't like those jokes, because it makes them insecure. It wasn't meant to be rude.
dachayke 16
It's because nobody likes pointless comments. Everyone who gets addicted to this site/app learns that the hard way.
Meggston 17
Isn't them yelling at my pointless comments just more pointless comments? 'Cause that's half hypocritical and half pointless-comment-seption.
dachayke 16
Not as pointless as saying "that's funny".
Meggston 17
Really? 'Cause this is about 14 extra pointless comments. I think that tips a scale, though they are under 1 pointless comment, so it might condense it enough, so that my original comment is more or equally pointless. But then again, since I added half of all the pointless comments I think I lose badly.
ThatSlappinBass 32
Am I the only person who's surprised that a, "Shut up, Meg." comment hasn't appeared yet?
Meggston 17
Shut the hell up Megan, dang. Stupid bitch.
dachayke 16
68, you seem very upset about your comment getting downvoted. Get over it.
Meggston 17
Actually I'm trying to get the: "you've been moderated badge" also, I don't care what Internet people think. If they wanna have a pointless internet fight with me I will shamelessly partake. I'm bored, they're obviously bored. Why not?
dachayke 16
Really? Cuz you sure seemed upset. But i dont want this to turn into an argument, so bye.
Traitoro 9
Hey guys maybe if we ignore it, it'll go away.
Pinkraincoat 18
Maybe she already claimed them for herself.
JD1147 27
That's the first thing that came to my mind
jaredofmo 22
Exactly. Her body is still her body.
ariiewilliams 17
She had a good comeback
olpally 33
Haha better talk this out and find out the truth!
iAlissa 34
I say that to my boyfriend all the time. I'm faithful. But they're on my body, I hate it when he tries "claim" parts of my body... Even if it's meant as a joke, it seems like he treats them as his property, rather than /my/ boobs haha :P
meli1195 31
Maybe she means taken by the pet bunny she just bought?
davidpropert 32
Theres no bunny in this FML
MichellinMan 20
Oooh, a reference to a previous FML. I see that is a new trend amongst the comment section.
iSnipeFatPeople 18
NEW trend?
DropTheDaggerxx 31
This works as a 2-in-1. Ref to a recent FML and the bunny Daryl and that guy were fighting over when the leader was explaining these rules.
davidpropert 32
She probably claimed them for herself because they're too fun to share
AnOriginalName 19
But why do girls have two boobs, if not to share?
Dumbledora 9
SYMMETRY~!
DKjazz 20
One large boob in the middle would be just as symmetrical.
Soloman212 28
But a bit too bovine for my tastes..
aersie 13
#23, Because we still have two hands. One boob just wouldn't be as fun.
weveallbeenthere 30
Damn good comeback. keep her.
CharismaGeek 19
I'm pretty sure she didn't keep him after she made that joke.