Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jannygirl11 2
By no one but her, hopefully?
scott1092 9
Good one tho.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (131)
owlcityobsession 2
no offense OP, but you deserve it. You didn't have permission to grab her boob, you don't own them, they're not yours, have some respect. Women are not toys.
ksks1234 33
I am sure he knows this and respects her. My boyfriend and I do things like that to each other all the time, yet we respect each other. Loosen up, it makes life more fun.
davidpropert 32
I don't know what kind of relationships you've been in, but normally one does not need to ask permission to touch their girlfriend's boobs
tigerisabelle 31
That would make sex unbearably boring. "C-can I touch your breasts? Would that be okay?" "Do you mind if I kiss your stomach?" I shudder just imagining it.
Nyx_fml 23
Imagine if he were to ask for permission every time he wanted to thrust his **** inside her. That would kill the mood.
Axel5238 29
One would assume so, but you'd be surprised at how many don't know when it is and is not appropriate. I've had an ex who was uncomfortable with someone just grabbing her even it was her bf. She's had guys try to while they were dating and it was off putting. That said she has a great sense of humor but stuff like that wasn't cool. Check out texts from last night lot of the people there do stuff like that because they actually don't respect women in general the joke sometimes is only a joke so it isn't taken seriously, but it is how they actually feel. As long it was a "joke" it was ok. It's really disappointing it is a thing.
fatlard20 5
Always that one dick....
DanielleinDC 34
Her comeback was just GREAT. True he doesn't have to ask permission to touch her, but to "claim" her? That just calls for a good zinger.
dachayke 16
Spot the feminist
jaredofmo 22
Actually, yes, he does have to ask if she wants to have sex with him because that is consent. Sex without consent, even between significant others, is rape.
Nyx_fml 23
Wow, someone likes to exaggerate things.
KnownAsCAJ 11
It's not about permission, its about when its appropriate. MY boyfriend has tried doing so when my family is in our presense, when i'm busy working on an important project worth half my course grade and watching an intense show. Knowing when to do so is just as important as knowing you can.
mcrepas 19
Number 11's comment and the few after it remind me of the episode "virgins" off of New Girl. Lol
pump281 4
there is more than one way to consent to sex than just saying yes...
ltjohnson93 11
Your dumb af, girls have boobs for men to play with, shut up and be lucky you have rights bc u almost didn't get those u dumb cnt
withered 30
Itjohnson93 women and blacks getting rights was always inevitable even with rednecks like you because while you spew bullshit online because you are bitter that you can't get laid, society keeps making progress. So shut up, go back to school and be glad to have education available because... oh nvm, you probably have none available.
thelittlemissy 29
You need some aloe vera?
Nyx_fml 23
Hopefully it won't like it was on the show, and she won't have her boobs cut in half.
gracehi 33
*Reads 14's comment* *Makes this face* :O
mcrepas 19
You lose your nose?
skyman69 1
You spelled watching wrong
ariiewilliams 17
Actually he didn't. Make sure to re-read if you are going to be the Grammar Police
glabberfasted 16
Actually, I think he did but the mods fixed it. Fairly quickly after this one posted, it refreshed and all the text moved a bit. Seems like they changed something.
chocolatefrog28 29
You're lucky she didn't point at your junk and say "Unclaimed!" before moving her seat.
Soundslikeothers 15
Carl!!
quinn1184 25
by her?
breakinlegs 19
Well, how "romantic" of you, why would she ever respond in such a way...
llamarrama01 21
Did you claim it was a closed relationship?
worldclassrager 41
What a great come back