Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML

Donor

Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I saw his newly updated Facebook status, which read, "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

Don't hate the player

Today, what was supposed to be a confession of feelings and a 'one night stand, never talk about this again' with my best friend of 13 years turned out to be a positive pregnancy test from her. My wife is not gonna be happy. FML

Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML