Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?
singer4life666 0
I guess you aren't going over there ever.
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Comments (108)
violinist666 0
If he thinks being a man means beating his little girl, he should have his dick cut off.
haleyamannda 0
shouldn't he gave been glad you don't want her hurt?!
TheLastToasty 0
cut his dick off? what are you, 5? obviously he wasnt intimidated which further strengthens my theory of him being 10 times the man you are
tatersalad33 0
that definetely sucks
BoredUnicorn 6
Oohhhhhhhhh Snap
philipino 24
Did everyone stop and stare? Because then you could've gone ,"Gatorade don't take no shit!", and stomped out.
stavik96 0
Or you could just beat him senseless with a baseball bat
SexyMexi21 23
Well then.... now you have to stay true to your word! Besides how did you guys get on the topic of abuse??
bassfisher100 23
unless her dad is already hurting her. don't say that. XD
Tyrax 16
If he's not abusive, then it shouldn't matter, and he should be impressed with your resolve to take care of his daughter. If he is abusive... Back it up. Fight dirty. If he's sexually abusive, cut his dick off and burn it in front of him. Then prison-tattoo "Pedophile" on his chest and back and call the cops.