Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, I got home and my girlfriend was wearing the ring I bought last week. Apparently she found it and thought to herself, "Fuck it, we’re engaged now so I’ll just start wearing it", completely bypassing the actual proposal part of getting engaged. I’m actually really mad at her right now. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
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Top comments
muhaidib 2
what the ****?
Wheredidgrungego 12
On the bright side, orgasms are cheaper than rings!
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Comments (130)
abi96 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
'kay guys, I just arrived back in the country after nipple-kayaking across the Atlantic, just so I could get first post to make an incredibly inane comment. Yeah, that's right, NIPPLE-KAYAKING, you got a problem with that, people? Don't expect remorse from me like all those other bastards who get first post, Christ no, I'm a cold-blooded, heartless murderer of nipple elasticity. That said, I do engage in intimate relations with the recently-deceased on occasion, which I feel slightly bad about, but that doesn't really make me a bad person, right? Right? Anyway, I have a pending prostate exam slash erotic noobfest with DocBastard, so I'm out. Wee-woo.
muhaidib 2
what the ****?
Zmeilerr 22
Make sure it's a finger he shoves up your ass, and not some knife or other lethal weapon. This is the usual punishment for shouting "FIRST!!" or some other shortened word/sentence plainly just to get the title of number 1. I guess what I'm really trying to say is: No one gives a flying **** if you're first. If you all you had to say was "first!" or some other shortened word just to get number 1 you're pathetic. If you would just post something constructive and relevant to the topic you'll get more respect and not look like a stupid pathetic twat. It shouldn't matter what number you are, because frankly, no one cares.
Helloiloveyou199_fml 0
WTF?
Starfire22 5
His "first" comment was changed by one of the mods...
KingDingALing 9
Oh Jesus Christ! Another one?! First it was nipple-tweaking, then nipple-fiddling, and now nipple-kayaking. What's next? Nipple-tickle? *Sigh* Ok, listen up a-hole because I'm not going to say this twice. Shove a stick up your ass. I just learned that Theodore Roosevelt did something calle the Big Stick Diplomacy. I'm changing that to Big Stick Up The A-hole. As a matter of fact, I'm so tired of telling people like you to shove a stick up your ass that you should shove the stick DOWN your THROAT so that you can choke and die a slow, painful death. Maybe then, you'll learn your goddamn lesson. Jesus Christ... There, now that I got that out of my system, I can continue writing my response speech for the next guy that screams "first!"
Alienkiller 0
36 e didn't even say first
Lufferkinz 0
Moderated in 3....2.....1.................
harry_potter_luv 0
that's how my uncle died...
DocBastard 40
I'm going to have to defer the prostate exam to my friend Louis. Louisville Slugger, that is.
andruha1123 5
lol mods are cruel!
MyDarkestDays 0
I don't quite frankly think you get this thing people call "respect" from posting a comment, let alone being first doesn't do anything either.
youangerme 0
you're a legend
ckkc 0
abi96: You are a total idiot just get the **** out and shut your damn mouth
fightingkittens 39
Oh god, Sirin. Why...............
Zmeilerr 22
Sounds like an honest mistake.
iSitt 0
she's a keeper, which is ironic.
lovexbox 8
That's great. Hey she knows what she wants!
xxBrokenHeartxx 0
Well... I don't know what to say.....
FrenchToast94 0
for once a women just wants to get laid! lol poor dood he wants more, damn horny women!
lovexbox 8
You obviously don't know too many women than huh?
seanders 10
Yeah lol. I can say from working with women that they're worse than men. Us men are just more crude about it.
FrankHotpants 31
well then chug a red bull and let her have it pal.
Ninjafriends 1
That was a vague way of telling you that you're a crappy lover.
Mirorbo 27
If you choose to stay with her, good luck giving in on her demands. I hear that's a toughy.
banana_buddy 6
There's no way he can keep up with her demands with his peanut sized dick. He needs to hire some professionals to "get the job done".
Ronnie_loves_you 11
guess he has to go buy some ******!
Blazingcrono 6
Well, at least you know what to do now.
Chocomaro 4
how romantic (:
zzzBOLTzzz 1
Give her my cell number. :p
Wheredidgrungego 12
On the bright side, orgasms are cheaper than rings!
perdix 31
Not if you are not capable of giving her one.
starile 20
Then the hired prostitutes just get expensive...
UnanomousGurl 0
hshahaha xD nice!
prinzess_fml 25
and cheaper than divorces!
emilyissutee 0
just work on her clit for a while. she'll ******. trust me.
banana_buddy 6
YDI for having a peanut for a dick. U should consider hiring professionals to "get the job done".