Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Doortje 30
If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?
singer4life666 0
I guess you aren't going over there ever.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
0D0R0 4
The OP probably has a ******.
maybaybe 0
And what makes you say that?
Alexxcunningham 0
back your shit up boy!
Danny_B 4
I smell a new Parental Control episode :P
teeheegirl17 5
lmao.(:
sallen0046 4
So you've threatened physical harm your girlfriend's father based on the idea that he could possibly at some point physically harm her... Do you see the irony here? You don't get to go around hurting other people simply because they've hurt someone else. That makes you no better than them. In fact, it probably makes you worse because you initially realized there's something wrong about physically harming another and then you went and did it anyway.
WonkyMunkee 0
Normally people call it being Self-Righteous, possibly a reverse martyr.
macskapingvin 0
Yes, and normally self-righteousness and wannabe martyrdom are considered BAD traits. Violence does not jusitify violence, IN ANY SITUATION.
fthku 13
If someone is violently chasing you with an axe, you should probably respond violently as well. And you should also probably hope he doesn't hack you up with it.
macskapingvin 0
Sorry, I meant to write escalating violence.
fthku 13
You also meant to write justify. Or maybe you MEANT to type jusitify, hmm?!
sallen0046 4
It's one thing if someone is chasing you with an axe, literally trying to hack you to bits. It would be considered self-defense, and therefore justifiable homicide. It's another thing entirely to respond violently to the mere idea of a possible threat, or to cause harm to another based on a threat.
fthku 13
If based on just an idea it's not just "not justfiable", it's stupid. However, if I knew my girlfriend had an abusive father- especially in a case where there couldwould be no police involved- yes, I would resort to violence, unless I could get her out of the house. Hypothetically speaking of course, since my girlfriend's father is not abusive and we're not teenagers either.. but you get the point.
SnoochBoochie 14
Strange arguement..
mdkid 0
shouldn't have said anything if you didn't mean it
maybaybe 0
What a strange dad, but anyway OP, it's sweet that you're looking out for your girlfriend, but to say that you'll cut her dad's dick off is ridiculous.
blloyd420 5
dam girl
DropDead77 11
listen to her dad, pussy
kikibisweet 0
Why is this a fml? If youre such tough shit back your words up punk. fml my ass.
ShrukiantheMad 0
*Mortal Kombat announcer voice* Round one! Fight!
carpediemryders 0
Mortal Kombat Scorpion "Get over here"
Prolusive 5
If it wasn't for her father's penis, OP's girlfriend wouldn't have been here...
SnoochBoochie 14
Haha, thumbs up!