Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, my girlfriend let out a vile fart in an Uber. It stank so bad, the driver threatened to kick us out. She blamed it on me and called me a pig. Then, she ripped another one, and he actually did kick us out. She had the nerve to act hurt when I called a second Uber only for myself. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ilovesuju 10
the fart fmls are always the funniest
SandiRainbowFish 20
Wow, like he never farts. What an ass. You deserve better, OP!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (200)
AH1Zviper 15
I'll see you in helicopter
MissssUnderstood 13
If he'd reallly love you he'd let IT go
Briscuit 24
I find guys so odd... They let one rip in our presence and holler about how loud and wicked it was. We do the same, and we're "Gross'? What, we can't be proud of our loud ones? Double Standards.
jizzwold 21
Don't group us all in one judgement.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
lol I don't say its gross, it's a natural thing that no one can help :3
tangooscarmike 4
You look like a snobby broad.
sloosh 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Act like a lady and past wind in the bathroom.
rainbowsforall 7
She said it was an accident. Clearly she wasn't fating like crazy just to be gross and annoy him. Girls should have to be "ladies" and pass gas in the bathroom when boys learn to be "gentlemen" and do the same.
Briscuit 24
26- Are you telling me you go to the bathroom to fart every time? I'm not going to lie, I sure as heck don't. If I'm in the comfort of my own house I pass gas where I like. But also, I'm not going around and tooting in public, but if I was on the phone with someone and accidentally let one go I'd probably more laugh and poke fun at myself and apologize than be utterly embarrassed, *especially* if I was on the phone with a significant other. Everyone farts. If my partner would fart I wouldn't be offended and I hope they wouldn't be either. Sometimes you can't control it and it happens. TOOT TOOT. (:
snapdragon1 0
Act like a genius and spell "pass" right. Oh, and it's "pass gas" and "break wind." English much?
rainbowsforall 7
He sounds like he's probably pretty sexist. Just cause you're a girl doesn't make you not human, we have to fart. It doesn't sound like a very loving or serious relationship. It might sound drastic but you should go ahead and dump him because it's just a hint of things to come.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
well if he gets this angry over a simple passing of gas over a phone then just think about other situations, I would leave him before anything else happens.
unknown_user5566 27
You obviously broke the Lady Law here. It's women like you who ruin the conspiracy that women don't fart, burp, or poop. Haven't you read the book "Everyone Poops- Except Women"? Shame on you.
rainbowsforall 7
Lol! It's hilarious how many guys actually believe in that "conspiracy"
Angel157 8
31- I had a guy friend that actually believed that girls didn't poop for years. It was hilarious!
BitchPlease18 6
Haha. Thanks for the laugh.
HerrBawl 4
Of course you have a magnet, it's called a ******.
owo_fml 9
At least he didn't break your nose.
baddawg365 0
Or the parrot in the bird cage because she was high as heck.
Cassandrax731 5
Of that were me, as soon as he called me out for farting, I would have said "Girls don't fart, we 'toot'" just to mess with him