Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML
Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Consider it a bullet dodged. If he can't tolerate a little burp, imagine if you farted or needed assistance during your menstrual cycle.
bleachedraven 14
Burping on a date could be embarrassing, but I would be more embarrassed for him...body functions happen, you dont want someone who can't deal with real life.
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Comments (11)
cuz803 46
Consider it a bullet dodged. If he can't tolerate a little burp, imagine if you farted or needed assistance during your menstrual cycle.
bleachedraven 14
Burping on a date could be embarrassing, but I would be more embarrassed for him...body functions happen, you dont want someone who can't deal with real life.
DLBL 23
He'd probably ban you from his property during your period. God forbid you fart. F this guy.
thatslifeiguess7 16
Someone needs to get a grip and he's an immature 🙄nut! Women burp, we fart!
Brightside86 31
Sounds like he just wanted out, and that was his first off ramp.
LindaH_88 1
You’ve only burped 3 times?
TomeDr 25
My daughter couldn’t burp either. Pregnancy was torture for her. She had a procedure where Botox was injected in her throat to loosen muscles to allow her to burp.
Tony Warren 2
If it was me I would've congratulated her and told her to do it again better out than in as I always say lol
ineedalife435 7
My ex can burl better than most guys and does it on the regular lol never turned me off. Sounds like the guy wasn't that amazing
idragosani 17
He has clearly never had a burping contest with a woman. Geez.
Joseph Elvin Legg 7
while embarrassing. he's a pussy for not being able to handle it. most guys are ok if you burp and fart. also we like girls not afraid to eat
DLBL 23
Is no one going to ask how anyone gets to adulthood having only burped THREE TIMES?