Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML
Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I was asleep on a plane. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone around us laughed. FML
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)
Pleonasm 36
I bet he wasn't creeped out though. After a while, though, I think it was less up and down the leg, and more up and down the dong. I think he's ready for take-off. I bet his jet engine enjoyed its four-stroke cycle.
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Comments (103)
screenager5 35
Don't worry OP, I'm sure he enjoyed it. So many of the posts here on FML involve creepy old guys. He may have been one of them.
BellaBelle_fml 23
And that's supposed to make the OP feel better?
screenager5 35
Well it sounded like she was embarrassed. No need to be embarrassed if the guy didn't freak out or even mind...
Werken247 14
Hey, why are you hating on the old guy. He was just an innocent victim. Well, he was innocent till OP molested him... who's the creeper now? Oh and OP, can I sit next to on your next flight?
screenager5 35
Not hating! Just saying that if he's anything like the old guys in the other posts on here, chances are he liked it. Whatever floats his boat haha.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Even if the older man didn't get freaked or didn't mind it, it's still an embarrassing situation to be in for the OP.
perdix 31
Damn, why can't I get on a flight like that?!?! I always get stuck next to the nutters that want to talk about Amway, Jesus, Project Harp, Nibiru and Hummel figurines. Receiving the OP's treatment on a long flight sure would *lowers sunglassses* come in handy.
Dusty_Busters 15
*claps excitedly* haha yes!
sifusteve3 3
You're hilarious!
little_one 20
YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
verkdizzle 2
Well perdix I'm sure anyone of these suck ups would gladly feel you up on an airplane
perdix 31
#61, I was hoping that when I wore my FML T-shirt on the plane last week. It didn't work at getting me an unconscious handjob, but it does make lovely Christmas gift at under $11. (Didi, please place the bag of cash behind the dumpster of the agreed-upon liquor store ;) )
interesting33 37
I'm glad I'm not the only one who hits on their friends to freak them out :D
ICastillo 25
Yeah sure up and down "his leg" You can't be teasing old guys like that, you're going to give the poor bastard a heart attack.
perdix 31
Ladies, don't listen to #16. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Of course, we can take it, and if we can't, that's the way we'd want to leave this world. So, lotion up your hands and grope older men every chance you get.
ICastillo 25
Ladies don't listen to 24 they can't handle it. Us young gents at least wont have a heart attack when you grope us, just saying.
perdix 31
#40. My point exactly. How will they know if they're any good at it unless they put one of us in the hospital or the morgue? Jerking off a young guy on a plane. big deal. Sending an old dude to the ICU gives you instant cred and bragging rights.
PenguinBitch 44
Now he's going to want to ********** in the restroom even though it's frowned upon.
EL3V1N 1
Good attempt at a movie quote. Actually, not a good attempt at all.
Enslaved 38
I purposely dream about sking every time I sleep between two guys. They never seem to mind. (:
Dusty_Busters 15
Hahaha I totally didn't get it for a while
Ray_of_midnight 23
"Today, I was on an airplane. While I was trying to finish reading a novel, this strange, creepy woman next to me kept feeling me up while pretending she was asleep. FML"
Ylianaxoxo 9
*claps hands* Nicely done!
DynamicDave 11
I miss reverse FMLs! Thank you!
Obey_StudBoii 23
Lol that's to funny. Whenever I get on a plane I always end up sitting next to the old nutty people who want to talk about airline food, how small the cars look from 500ft in the air and a bunch of oddball stuff lol.
Silent_Thrill 17
Lucky you, I get these weird guys who like talking about bombs and guns. I mean it's interesting but after about the 4th time I've heard it all! They do have quite good beard maintenance tips though.
maz95 17
You probably made the old mans day! That's your good deed for the day completed!
spikekutter 9
are you gay?
cristy91 33
OP is a woman, so no. She's not gay.