Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML
Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I was asleep on a plane. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone around us laughed. FML
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)
Pleonasm 36
I bet he wasn't creeped out though. After a while, though, I think it was less up and down the leg, and more up and down the dong. I think he's ready for take-off. I bet his jet engine enjoyed its four-stroke cycle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (103)
Welshite 40
I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)
perdix 31
If he objected, he could have easily pushed her hand away. He didn't push her hand away, therefore . . .
gc327072 31
The old man= Perdix in 20-30 years.
cosmosis 12
Hes just unlucky op wasnt dreaming about skiing.
KMtheDrummer 6
I originally thought OP was male, which made this much funnier.
JBChristian 47
Well that would be quite embarrassing, huh?
mzrobinson 13
Hence why it's on FML. -___-
renjisgirl12 22
I was just about to say the same thing lol
loloalltheway 23
I agree with the baby!
Silent_Thrill 17
#20, I also agree with the baby! Here's to you mzRobinson. Jesus love you mor..... oh god dammit!! Time to go watch The Graduate.
MrPlopper 9
I like how the cat agreed with the human child and not the other cat
Pleonasm 36
I bet he wasn't creeped out though. After a while, though, I think it was less up and down the leg, and more up and down the dong. I think he's ready for take-off. I bet his jet engine enjoyed its four-stroke cycle.
Pleonasm 36
Ugh. I don't know why I bother anymore. Whatever.
zingline89 18
It's okay Pleo, FML is hit and miss. One minute you're flying high, the next you come to a crash landing. Once the down thumbing begins, people like to just pilot on. But hey, I'll always be your wingman. I mean, wouldn't you rudder try than just not comment at all?
Pleonasm 36
Who nose? It's not fun having the FML thumb police on my tail. I mean I'm a Fighter, but meh.
Dusty_Busters 15
Well done!
danielnieves 4
Jet engines don't have strokes
Pleonasm 36
I like to pretend that they do.
codyjohn17 5
Wow.... Try to avoid him slipping roofies in your drink. Or as I like to call it "floories" (hangover quote)
biggestfan23 11
#4 that had no relevance to this FML
sexxxysydney 14
I get what you were going for. Unfortunately, it just didn't work out.
verkdizzle 2
Not only did the quote not have anything to do with the FML. But you ruined it even further by naming the source like we're all half-wits. I don't appreciate that very much
verkdizzle 2
The 'frowned upon, like masterbating on an airplane' quote would have been more relevant here
seandoc 13
This seriously made no sense..
onorexveritas 24
hilarious
renjisgirl12 22
lets just hope he didn't want to return the favour :S
Lauren324 18
I'm surprised he didn't tell you to keep doing it.
gracehi 33
I wonder why my comment was deleted. I wasn't being mean to anybody. Welshite, I realize that old people aren't necessarily celibate. Hell, it's not like I've never heard of Hugh Hefner. I was just being silly and making a joke.
olpally 33
Wrong username welshite... Her name is Lauren. Lmao. As for the fml, have fun explaining that to the old man op, sure he didn't mind at all though. Lol. Edit:: Never mind... I didn't see gracehi there! Whoops! Lol
gracehi 33
"Today, the young lady in the seat next to me on the airplane fell asleep. I guess she was dreaming, because she began to seductively run her hand up and down my thigh. That's the most action I've gotten in about fifty years. FML"
Welshite 40
Gracehi, just because people are old doesn't mean they don't get some "action". I'm sure he just appreciated being felt up by a much younger woman.
PenguinBitch 44
Don't get frighten! That's not a snake he has.
crazytwinsmom 25
Snakes on the plane!
seandoc 13
Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?
Silent_Thrill 17
It may only be one snake, but watch out! It's venom can ruin someone's life for up to 18 years.
perdix 31
Did he ask you to go back to sleep for about five more minutes so he can finish?
cristy91 33
How do you think she woke up?
Silent_Thrill 17
And to think I got pissed when my friend dumped cold water on my face while I was sleeping...