Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML
Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on my floor. I live with my family and it was a hot summer day. Woke up in a weird position, drooling and wearing only a bra and mini shorts. I looked up and saw my thirteen year-old sister and her friends chilling all around my room. I tried to yell at them but my voice was too rusty. FML
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said, "Nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, the main topic for my sister and her friends in the car was how many ways they could think of to kill me. They came up with 137. I have to spend a week with these people. FML
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Top comments
MrSarary 26
You've got the advantage now, listen to their plan and make your own!! In all seriousness this is pretty scary.
LOLouis_fml 24
Sounds like a killer conversation!
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Comments (80)
igg125 30
Kill them first
feven 32
Tell them that you're immortal and whoever tries to kill you automatically dies :)
jqmalang 17
Run for your life. Children are meaaan!
GoGiants28 13
Retaliate by killing them. Honestly that is creepy tho
BloodyBanana 6
Creeeeeepy
EarlFug 19
Suddenly I'm not so upset about my brother tricking me into drinking piss from a root beer can.
HighasaCloud 46
Even though you didn't do it, apologize profusely for the vomit in her guitar If you can't find a way for her to discover your brother actually did it. Having a grudge held against you by someone you live with heralds only misfortune.
NeyNeyDaDa 21
You should have replied to the specific comment, not the fml itself..just a thought. I agree with you though.
HighasaCloud 46
#33 - What the hell are you talking about? My comment is a direct message to OP. This IS a reply to the FML itself.
EarlFug 19
Good point, and well-put. Diplomacy wins. But no need to take blame for something you didn't do. Especially it you have already been falsely accused and beaten with a puke-guitar. Think it's time to say um, bro did it.
tdawg91 17
You're on the wrong one dude
Zebediabolical 45
Is it possible they're making a joke that they're going to get murdered for puking into the guitar?
NeyNeyDaDa 21
Well killers most often start young ._.
rockwrench 18
Maybe time to be nicer with the little rug rats. Or sleep with one eye open.
candyolympics 17
Strike first while you still have the advantage!