Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML
Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML
Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML
Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML
Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
Fortuitous 0
I thought you score in hockey when you get the puck into the goal, not the stick.
bridgette5866 0
so y'all need to hide yo dick, hide yo balls, hide your dick, hide yo balls, and hide yo asshole cuz they rapin errbody in here
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Comments (163)
bigbadtim 7
He shoots, he scores!
eddieyes 0
that's hot! but it'd be so uncomfortable for you since you are straight
KYS75 0
^ Queermo
bishhitsandii 3
You should get some glow-in-the-dark condoms, hit the lights, and play Star Wars with him! :D
Crephix 3
Maybe he doesn't like Star Wars. Either way awesome idea lol. Now if only guys could play with girls :(
BakNBitz 0
You can find girls with dicks if you look hard enough...
nycy 0
And an internet to you for the really old fml reference
kendra19977 0
they can play too...just differently
realityreject 0
OP only in the showers... only in the showers... stay away from him or report that guy to your coach.
angels21 0
*Like*
Phustercluck 11
Anyone wanna play tummy sticks?
MissErikaHart 0
lmao WTF?!
W4X 0
Ha! That sucks though. Just avoid him and you will be okay.
theatregrl2 0
*there ARE five more months. Grammar is important, it keeps you from sounding stupid.
herzeleid334 13
Yes, but have you considered that English might not be the OP's native language? The US isn't the only country in the world >_>
theatregrl2 0
True enough, but the OP is from Canada and, judging from the slang and phrasing of the rest of the FML, is at least adequately familiar with the English language. Side note: the US is far from the only country that speaks English.
mapleh 0
I am sure that the op does not care much for his grammar, I know I sure as hell don't... well at least not when posting on FML. He also just got harassed, I am sure grammar is the least of his worries.
kmiks411 0
typical hockey players
bigbadtim 7
How is that typical?
srammer8 0
dam u
loltreated 0
98's response made me laugh for some reason.
silentwolf113 0
avatar. haha. what a way to hook up.