Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML
Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML
Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML
Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML
Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
Fortuitous 0
I thought you score in hockey when you get the puck into the goal, not the stick.
bridgette5866 0
so y'all need to hide yo dick, hide yo balls, hide your dick, hide yo balls, and hide yo asshole cuz they rapin errbody in here
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Comments (163)
ClaireBear9087 0
stay away from him..
depressedgamer 0
I like playing with myself in the shower and putting corn dogs in unnatural places.
DncrHap 9
yeah! five more months of rubbin' and lovin'! woo!
StJimmy117 0
come on, everybody knows that everything in the locker room is no-****
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Wow.
MrSassypants 34
31 I saw a video like that on YouTube. The guy was all like "Come on let me use the computer." "No man." "Come on. I'll let you ram me in the ass. No ****." It was ho la we us.
KingDingALing 9
"Yo, how big is yo dick? No **** though. You know, cuz I don't play dat **** shit. You know what I'm sayin?"
warpig182 0
Shit I really dont get the whole no **** stuff. Anyways you should just arrange a friends with benifites operation with your new special buddy. No ****
Sirin_fml 47
Werd.
ishama13 0
Gee, Jessi, I think I dun shoulda read the commenting rules before posting 'ere!
Jessi2487 0
By golly, Ishama, I think I shoulda done too! Oh lawdy lawdy!
Jessi2487 0
WTF???? i didnt post that!! Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo!
KiddNYC1O 22
59- I know exactly what you're talking about. "You have thunder thighs. I'll suck you dry. No ****."
nycy 0
Haha plus one internets for the the drug dealer prank call reference king ding a ling
thatguy888 0
64: P.S. = post script
pwincessa23 1
Hope he doesn't "tie u to the radiator & Grape u in the mouth" hahahaha I love that video.
Lolerskatez 0
where's your locker room and why aren't i there? =[
babyyappld 7
I'm sure it was just a friendly request teammate to teammate. no ****.
IHATERI 0
words of a true ******.
chuk_norris_fml 0
Hey guys, "no ****" was the UrbanDictionary.com word of the day today!!!
poiuytjfffc 0
holy sh*t, I always made fun of a kid at cap who would say "no ****" I would be like "hey man let's have anal: no ****" and I never realized that that joke would become so popular
brianjman14 23
You have a new boyfriend! =]
Sun_Kissed18 25
yay! congrats :P Really, he was probably just joking around... I hope so
tbe99 2
#79, the phrase "take a big load off" made me snicker. :) kudos
TheOptimist 0
OP, I wish you would tell me what part of Alberta your from. I play hockey, and live in Alberta too... But anyways, don't worry OP, if you say no, the worst he will do is take pictures to ********** too later.
jpest17 5
I think I've seen u on YouTube?
Fortuitous 0
I thought you score in hockey when you get the puck into the goal, not the stick.
brianjman14 23
Hahahahaha. Nice one.
alex1432 9
no he can drop, he just can't pick it up
alex1432 9
it*
yourlifesfucked 0
Wow. Hope the other team knows that he's being literal when he says they're gonna get raped...
drummerforever 0
hahaha win
goldiefox 0
what do you expect?! your with guys.....naked.....taking showers.....totally normal-ish except for the wanting to connect part!
Epic_Phale615 0
dude, you dont god damn play with your junk around guys. Ya you shower together for hockey and its not creepy when you get used to it, but playing with yourself in that situation is the complete opposite of okay.
goldiefox 0
yeah exactly! notice how I said everything is NORMAL-ISH except for the wanting to connect part...
goldiefox 0
the key word is NORMAL-ISH
hockey161616 7
Not normal... At all. You don't play with your junk while in the shower with other guys... Shower, get out. Nothing extra!!
stronghand0331 17
Don't act like this doesn't flatter you...
SaintE_fml 0
oh you and your stronghand
stronghand0331 17
Don't make me use it!
SaintE_fml 0
sorry I'm not looking for trouble:)
SaintE_fml 0
sorry, I'm not looking for trouble:)
Scarlettkiss 8
^^^Connection made^^^
Fortuitous 0
I thought the point of hockey is to put the puck into the goal, not the stick into the goal.
steelersfan78 0
This^
purpleamandapand 6
asked to connect?
Nena713 0
Use your imagination :x
mak3_1t_ra1n 0
on an intimate level...naked...two guys...
untoward 0
#13 I was thinkin the same thing. what does that mean!
manbizzle 1
I'm with 13 on this too.
ddkinzler 0
get ****** up the ass
bhsnare 0
a.k.a hook up btw nice boys like girls shirt 13
rofflewaffle 9
My first thought was docking. Literally connecting.
DevianceIsBliss 0
Suprise buttsex! But seriously. Don't bend over to get the soap. It's a trap.
wolftastic 0
why'd you tell him?! all my hard work is ruined..
Strebor 0
admiral ackbar! it's a trap! it's a trap!
sweet_blasphemy 2
so....did you?