Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
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Top comments
bnutts 4
Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.
kcTheGreat 2
Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..
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Comments (210)
zach8771 3
Say you're a swordsman. They will think you're a nerd, better than a perv
TheLonelyPoet 0
I'd like to see you go up to a trained swordsman and call him a nerd.
bizarre_ftw 22
I'd Pay to see that!
Reader_17 5
If anyone asks I just say I use that hand to drive stick
lizard399 0
Gay
Llama_Face89 34
And what if he uses his left hand?
bizarre_ftw 22
Say you just moved over from England, then ask how your accent is, say you've been trying to blend in, work the words tea, bloody, bloke, and twit in and learn how to do an English accent so you can "slip up" a couple times and not only will you explain away your arm, you may get a gf and fix the whole damn issue (all who thumb me down Clearly don't know how Stupid some girls [or guys, either way works op] can be when a guy has an English accent)
teamsleep221222 0
Hahahaha
tripaallday 0
Just say you play Tennis
HendricksProdigy 0
Ah shit I got tennis elbow;)!
sockmonkey576 6
You use your arm?
Dracoboxer357 36
56- I'm almost afraid to ask what you'd suggest he use instead of his arm(s) for his "solo performances." His feet? O.o
SaMmIMonster96 6
How much do you **********?
CaptainPickles72 18
8 times a day. Oh wait, you were asking OP, forget my statement then...
Grand_Cookie 21
I think how often isn't the question here. Now how long? That should be looked into. Cause if there is a noticeable difference he is spending lots of quality time alone.
Devin91 20
Get a gf
lyssgross 16
Message me baby you sexy
katerbug112768 9
Not gonna lie, I thumbed up this comment because of the photo beside it. Well done.
twilightluvr101 4
Don't feel bad 191 I did the same
katerbug112768 9
Glad I'm not the only one!
jrvautour 4
All men have "that" arm!
harof1c 0
Lol
TheLonelyPoet 0
Omg this had me dying XD