Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bnutts 4
Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.
kcTheGreat 2
Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (210)
quanzeman 5
pics or it never happened
sdeniro 6
I just busted out laughing at work and people looked at me!!
Heinousness 0
Your choices: Use other arm Get a GF Stop immediatley
ressa_1428 0
Well...use the other. Even them out. Or you know, you could always get a girlfriend. Cause that's a bit ridiculous.
gardenwhipped3 14
Take viagra. That way you will be forced to switch hands!
yeeaahh55 7
i know how you feel because a friend of mine told me one arm is bigger than the other
rosiiee 0
Say you play tennis. :)
roxyelizabeth 3
Guess you'll have to try with the other arm to even things out. Haha.
gitaly101 3
Wait! I have a GREAT idea! GET A MUTHA ******* HOBBY!
InorganicReece 6
Switch arms!!