Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
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Top comments
bnutts 4
Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.
kcTheGreat 2
Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..
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Comments (210)
HendricksProdigy 0
Does your girlfriend have one ripped arm to?
FUUUandyourmom 16
What girlfriend?
HendricksProdigy 0
Exactly
HendricksProdigy 0
From wanking u to
docscientist 10
You're so full of shit, what, do you jerk it with weights on your masturbating arm?
RetardedChipmunk 7
Docscientist got moderated?! What did he say for that to happen?
creedaddict 9
Giggity
Malicteal 21
Just start telling everyone you're the bastard child of Pluto and Olive Oil.
technolegy2 0
Runes ape ftw
MyLifeAsMaris 2
OMG! laughed so hard at this.
oliviawhalen 4
Just say you play tennis!
ForeverAloneGal 23
Dude, switch it up.
groupleader 7
You need to experience some serious "stranger danger" (use your nondominant arm for awhile)
b33tle97 0
How would anybody deserve that, every freaking guy masturbates.
Allwind 0
Does it look like quagmire's arm when he discovered **** in the internet??