Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
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Top comments
bnutts 4
Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.
kcTheGreat 2
Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..
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Comments (210)
picturescrazy 24
That's dumb if anyone points it out. Everyone's dominant arm is more stronger than their other arm. Playing sports or instruments will make them look super uneven too. You'd easily be able to make up an excuse at least (:
TeheTroll 4
I gotta use both;)
RathTheFallen 0
At least if u keep it up u can be a charger from L4D2 for Halloween! XD
wildcherry1616 0
Best FML ever.
lilsrox 0
Wow um awkward, u should buy a ticket to russia
Ky8 12
That's retarded. You're just trying to get attention. Not funny.
Grand_Cookie 21
You gotta switch that shit up!
BlAzEtHiS 0
Sounds like you need a new hobby.
MEM0817 18
I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say if you accomplished something of that sorts to have one arm noticeably bigger then the other, there's a reason you've had to go that route instead of having a girlfriend... So don't worry about people noticing it since you've been ignored this long.
OffToTheGayBar 9
I would so love to slap some sense into you. 9.9
TheGothGamerGirl 20
So which arm?