Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML
Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML
Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML
Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
If you have a big dick, it's narcissistic. If you have a little winky, it's hilarious!
doctorhook86 25
I don't see a gender on this FML, so I'm choosing to believe that Megan Fox wrote it.
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Comments (141)
DaMachk 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well that depends on how you look like... And what arouses you... you pitying and humiliating someone, or just you...
wastingtimeonFML 7
That reminded of a scene from Jennifer's Body!
everydayFML2121 5
I bet op is just doing it because they're having a hard time finding something more attractive on the internet. I have that problem too sometimes ;)
newbiehere99 6
You should be put in timeout for this comment ... Now go sit in the corner and think of something better to say ... And no masturbating ... Kthanksbye
everydayFML2121 5
I was beginning to think your comment could have been funny... Then you ended it with kthanksbye... You should be locked in a basement for that comment
newbiehere99 6
31 I wasn't referring to your comment I was talking about #1 -.- but if you wanna e-battle we can ...
everydayFML2121 5
Well that's awkward :/ I'll pass on the ebattle, it only worth my time if it's legit or inspires some strong emotion. Maybe next FML:)
kyarush 10
What the **** is Ebattle?....
everydayFML2121 5
47, it's 2 people bitching a each other online until one realizes how pointless it is and does something to benefit their real life.
everydayFML2121 5
At*
newbiehere99 6
What an e-pussy ... Who backs away from an e-battle ??
everydayFML2121 5
Alright shit just went down... Let's do this newbie
muzy 23
I wanna be part of this. Quick 61, tag me in !!!
everydayFML2121 5
*tag* **** him up muzy!!!
LightningCactus 12
And that is what keeps people interested.
everydayFML2121 5
Oh damn! Time to break out the popcorn! This shit is gonna be awesome. $50,000 on muzy!
TriflingAllDay 6
Newbie was already killed. The fights already over.
everydayFML2121 5
Well then I guess it's time to collect my $50,000...
Meettitan 14
122- wouldn't you collect $100,000?
everydayFML2121 5
143, I'm still getting a fuckton of money so it doesn't matter that much
pinky78711 5
Ok idk why but i read all of you comments in a high pitched voice?? :/
IndyJustin 4
Haha 69 dislikes
perdix 31
If you have a big dick, it's narcissistic. If you have a little winky, it's hilarious!
DarkHelmet 10
Agreed
lorenzoman77 7
Haha little winky, that's a new one!xD
doctorhook86 25
I don't see a gender on this FML, so I'm choosing to believe that Megan Fox wrote it.
everydayFML2121 5
Doctorhook, I only thumbed up your comment because of your pic that went with it. I laughed out loud
rhysfucker 24
Oh mighty Perdix...it could be a cute little clitty or a nasty Vienna sausage clitty... Think about it!
rhysfucker 24
Doctor hook- hope she didn't have her 'big toe' thumb in there. That thing gives me the creeps.
Shadowvoid 33
Obviously the poster is a hermaphrodite. The gender says male and female.
Calyx_fml 22
I was once in an art class where not only did the nude model have an erection from looking at himself, he came! Without even touching himself! In front of the whole class! Now, THAT'S narcissism. A new pic for my 2k comment!
Halti 4
legemd
babe7260 30
Wow! Never knew that was possible! That was my lesson for the day thanx! Now my time on FML was not totally wasted!!! Thanx
doglover569 0
Perdix- My friends and Me always see you comment here on and we've always curious what your picture is? Could you explain it please?! Sorry about the bad English. I'm getting learned it.
onlychildFTW 34
I believe his picture is matching colours with moods and involuntary movements. And other stuff.
leeburns 5
Depends if you look like zyzz then I understand forever miren
ebonyirony 29
2- or you're Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.
RedPillSucks 33
@140, I believe it's a spoof of the American Terror Alert Color System (Homeland Security Advisory System).
iamlonelybuthapp 3
All i can do is hope that u r a girl... Otherwise it is plain pathetic...
thisguy45 2
It doesn't show the gender it says the poster is anonymous so you don't really know what the person is.think before you assume.
lorenzoman77 7
Well no, because if you're like the other guy that gets turned off at naked pics of his gf and looking at yourself turns you on again, more power to you! Just be careful not to start calling yourself daddy, or trying to handcuff yourself to the bed. O.o
taylorandrew 0
Daddy xD
AbbyAbyss 5
That comment deserves an award. But wait... How can he ********** if he's chained to a bed?
witchdoctor1 9
Hands free! Or if perdixs comment is to be misconstrued he can always be flexible XD never said his feet were cuffed
sicksadworld1317 30
Yardstick superglued to a pocket p*ssy. Don't ask me how I know this.
makenzie1322 0
Hmmm well I think you gave it away.
betweenwinds 18
I'd say that's probably a tie. At the same time, whatever makes you happy...
Forlorn420 9
That's what I'm sayin. Potatoe, potahtoe
22cute 17
Yes, it's definitely both. Narsasistic enough to be pathetic. But as long as no ones watching & it makes you happy, who cares?!
TriflingAllDay 6
If someone was watching, it would make me happy, at you're humiliation.
killdozer1 2
Well, narcissus was a greek story character who fell in love with his own reflection in a puddle of water, so this might be a pure embodiment of narcissism.
DKjazz 20
113- Love and sex are two very different things.
SammyS2012 21
130- it doesn't have to be...
GNR93 14
It's a bit of both, you really should get out more. The fact that it sounds like you've done and thought of this idea before makes you even more pathetic.
ALpein 0
How does this mean they don't get out?
21jason 9
You will never need a women to turn you on I guess
ohSNAPyall 27
As long as you hang a mirror over the bed.
21jason 9
I thought everyone had one of those??
onlychildFTW 34
Of you're Charlie sheen you have a camera and a TV!
TazInYourPantz 13
Hey, maybe no one's on par with your level of attractiveness. It just might be a bit hard to upgrade from your hand, in that case.
zandalee 20
Doesn't matter.... Had sex. Sorry but this is so funny. How lovely to have this as your only concern in life...
SkoomaKi 28
There was no sex involved, so your "joke" was invalid and unfunny. How is this OP's only concern? Physic are we?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Every time I see SkoomaKi's name I think of skyrim..
phatdaddy62 23
Masturbating isn't sex?
SkoomaKi 28
^ Can't tell if being serious or not (Fry Meme)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If you clone yourself and have sex with it, (considering if you're that much of a narcissist) Is it ************? Same with sex with an imaginary friend; rule 34 applies to Foster's, ya know.
klovemachine 24
Lol 71
JesusPancakes_fml 0
Why yes, I a physics.
YurLyfeSucks 0
LOL, wtf man.......
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You are Kanye West, Op. He is both narcissistic and pathetic. Some of his songs are good, though.
KBeatz 5
Hater alert. ...but a fan at the same time? Weird.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I am a very confused little girl
TriflingAllDay 6
Stupid, leave it to a chick to **** everything up. Bitches be triflin.