Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
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Top comments
bnutts 4
Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.
kcTheGreat 2
Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..
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Comments (210)
cleanandserene 2
Amazing pic!
hamtaro331 0
Say your other arm had surgery when you were little and it stayed like that ever since and that it's amazing it even grows
CaptainPickles72 18
That is so offensive, sir! I had to have surgery on my arm when I was younger, and it has ruined my life! You do not know how much I have to go through EVERY single day of my life.I am too embarrassed to even leave the house due to this horrible disfigurement because everywhere I go, people stare... ... but then again, that could just be because I'm a talking pickle.
ImSoEffedUp 10
Dang, start switching it up dude....
Azula272 14
Hey look at that body You work out~ Jiggle jiggle jiggle when you wiggle that shlong
Mr_Que_Dijo23 5
Damn I wonder what his secret is... Haha He should make a routine video and make millions... Just an idea haha
marpay 11
Pretty sure there are millions of those kind of "workout" videos on the web.
Dracoboxer357 36
84- Actually, they Did market such a public appropriate routine and workout device. They called it The Shaker Weight if I remember correctly. You get a heavy phallus that get to pretend to double-fist ********** at your own face. It's pretty bad, even for an info-merical product. :p
sufidonor1987 0
Gotta be a switch hitter bro.
perdix 31
Purchase a tennis racquet and tell people you play as a cover story. For those who suggest switching hands, it's not easy -- it feels like you're cheating on your good hand!
bizarre_ftw 22
Tell your good hand you're looking for an open relationship
perdix 31
Do I look like Newt Gingrich? I never discussed exclusivity with Righty, so if I want to have a fling with Lefty, that's my business. I do put Righty behind my back to spare her feelings;)
R3kli3 10
That's hot!
Timmeh94 0
i have that same arm muscle. but its from slapping the bass. not jerking it
marti1497 10
umm.. haha am i the only one who's wondering why a guy was 'posing in front of the mirror'..?