Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I went to meet a friend for coffee. When I arrived, I mistakenly thought it was a casual meet-up, but apparently, it was a date. I didn’t realize this until she leaned in for a kiss at the end, and I awkwardly offered her a fist bump instead. FML
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML
Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
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Top comments
darthhamlet 0
since when is minor contact close to getting laid?!?
xxorganizedmess 0
Miss the point much?
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Comments (59)
darthhamlet 0
since when is minor contact close to getting laid?!?
gesseniasxangel 0
He's saying he hasn't had any action in a long time. Ass.
xxorganizedmess 0
Miss the point much?
MyNameIsLolz 0
I'm with #1, that has nothing to do with being laid. Maybe getting affection.
Szut_fml 0
uh, #1 and #23, that's the point. It's not even close to getting laid. Yet it's the closest he had to gretting laid. Too hard for you to get it?
hockeylover7171 0
yes 1 and 23 that wasn't the point
bballchamp43 0
I guess I've almost got laid every day this year when I get my girl friend's binder in Geography and we touch hands in the exchange.
bmwe46M3 0
your ugly when have u ever got laod
justynicole 0
YDI for not being able to spell. you shouldn't breed...
blacktower 13
People can be so stupid not understanding this
livebetter 0
I don't think this is FML. There are lots of bad reasons for getting laid (as well as good ones) and lots of good reasons for not getting laid (as well as bad). There are plenty of FML's written by people who did get laid. Without more facts I don't see it as FML.
shawn916 0
I agree with darth hamlet if almost getting laid is just buy touching someones hand.I alost got laid a 100 times last week at work LMAO
LewJH 0
Fail.
Clare420 0
I hate dumb people. even tho they entertain me(:
todo350 0
your funny! LOL Jks you look like an inbred albino persian sewer rat. and shootin' squirelles all day isnt a job, and touching your cousin 100 times isnt getting laid.
tmaq973 7
Cleavage ^
Jim9349 10
Don't know if this is fake, but it sure wasn't funny....
GodsOfWrath 0
Haha. You didn't cum in her mouth did you?
SystemofaBlink41 27
How is this... Why.... Cum?.... *gets in fetal position*
atvarela 0
today, i got closer to getting some action than i have in the past two years. this is due to the fact that i'm probably still a virgin. but this cash register lady was pretty damn smokin. i wish i could have a threesome with two of her. FML
plexico 4
That's why I always wear a condom when I go to Starbucks.
JoeDotPadilla 0
Muthafucka, learn to spell. YDI
nikkilorenz7 5
if you are going to critisize someone for not spelling something correctly then don't spell mother ****** 'muthafucka'
matthewbrazier 0
are you jewish?
jw90 18
Well then dumbass why don't you just ask the girl out and possibly your two year unlaid streak will end. YDI for whining.
jw90 18
oh and if darth hamlets theory is correct...I've been laid almost everyday :D (two thumbs up)