Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I went to meet a friend for coffee. When I arrived, I mistakenly thought it was a casual meet-up, but apparently, it was a date. I didn’t realize this until she leaned in for a kiss at the end, and I awkwardly offered her a fist bump instead. FML
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML
Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
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Top comments
darthhamlet 0
since when is minor contact close to getting laid?!?
xxorganizedmess 0
Miss the point much?
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Comments (59)
Einstein714 0
totally lame, I'm sure he'll fantasize it's her hand wrapped around his joint as he's choking it tonight
ifinishlast 0
damn dude, you've never grazed a tittie with your chest on a bus or accidently briskest your hand against a girls ass while walking through a lot of people? gotta enjoy the little things man. that's only if you're not getting any.
im_a_dinosaur 0
geees thts sad. you need to get out more.
korky53 0
your in bad shape pal
AsianHomie 0
wow im 14 and i get more action than you
Mx_Rider 6
FYL, YDI for being such a pussy go to parties and hook up with girls
dontpanicdear 0
You'll get some action soon. Don't be so down on yourself. It's supposed to be a special thing anyway.
katrinaa_13 0
ROFL, #35. :)
Hashukim 0
I'm almost there. FML
thomasMiami 0
This isn't ann FML. What is with all the idiots, like #1 and #23, that don't undrstand sarcasm when they see it ?