Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I went to meet a friend for coffee. When I arrived, I mistakenly thought it was a casual meet-up, but apparently, it was a date. I didn’t realize this until she leaned in for a kiss at the end, and I awkwardly offered her a fist bump instead. FML
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML
Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
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Top comments
darthhamlet 0
since when is minor contact close to getting laid?!?
xxorganizedmess 0
Miss the point much?
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Comments (59)
jamesh15777 0
wah... i hate people who tell the world how much of a ****** they are
warsloth 0
I'm 12 and I get more action than you... Dude get a life... No offense
onehotdemon 0
with what, your cabbage patch doll?
emilyandenvy 0
lmfao #43! Yeah #42 congrats on being a 12 year old s~lut
schoolgirl1 0
same but im 11 and i bet i get more action than u
imnotfatimchubby 0
dumass, 11 year olds don't have cabbage patch dolls. and you just said that because you want to feel like your not the only one who gets action from a doll
rla123 0
Does anyone else realize that accidentally was spelled wrong?
AnthonyN 5
was she attractive?
rooneyroo 0
Today I ate a bagel and it was the closest i've ever come to teaching algebra to ESL students. That makes just as much sense as the FML
atishe24 9
Aww that's a little pathetic.
Deantastic 0
Depressing. ._.
ericahenderson32 5
Lol
dihannasaurus 9
what, have you been under a rock??