Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I went to meet a friend for coffee. When I arrived, I mistakenly thought it was a casual meet-up, but apparently, it was a date. I didn’t realize this until she leaned in for a kiss at the end, and I awkwardly offered her a fist bump instead. FML
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML
Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
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Top comments
darthhamlet 0
since when is minor contact close to getting laid?!?
xxorganizedmess 0
Miss the point much?
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Comments (59)
glostik 0
Haha! Loser :P
keywestlov 0
lmfao
atvarela 0
was this fml deleted or so ething?
jw90 18
Lol but if it was..eh eh
lahp 0
if your that desperate get a hooker jeeasse
managethis8 0
Why would you put yourself down in front of so many. Geezus man, if it's been that long, grab ahold and get on with it! Don't tell everybody your that nasty that nobody gave you any in so long....
managethis8 0
Are you kidding me! What the hell kinda comment is that? It sounds, actually, that maybe you are gay. Take a good Hard look at yourself.
fringle 0
this is stupid. today I did something completely nonsexual and it was the most sexual thing I've done for ______
plexico 4
I'd be happy to kick you in the 'nads. I believe have that area contacted by a dude counts as being closer to being laid than an accidental brush of a female's hand. Just helpin' where I can.
tropicthunder 3
Accitentally? Lol