Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML
Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I accidentally told my barista that we have bed bugs and immediately saw the look of judgement on her face. I'm still cringing. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
CTFD, they don't think you are scum. They think you're an idiot. People feel pity for idiots and have hatred for scum. What they are more likely hating about you is that you're holding up the line!
spinningrecords 14
Just like the bunk bed scene in the movie Big.
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Comments (4)
spinningrecords 14
Just like the bunk bed scene in the movie Big.
RichardPencil 32
CTFD, they don't think you are scum. They think you're an idiot. People feel pity for idiots and have hatred for scum. What they are more likely hating about you is that you're holding up the line!
Yudith 28
That's when the coffee, glass of wine, or anime figurine collection should have come into play. This lady is as bad at flirting as you are. There's still hope!
idragosani 17
Is your name George Costanza?