Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML
Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I've never heard testicles called "ladies" before, but yup, you definitely harassed them.
MrClean17 15
Every man can relate to the pain of sitting on one's own balls
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Comments (79)
cnator 12
I want to know whose fault is it if not your own. Did someone adjust your balls so that you would sit on them?
happle 21
How does sitting on his balls get him kicked out?
Zedd_fml 8
It's the Club policy, one cannot sit on their own balls, someone else have to sit on it, preferably an opposite gender.
your_face 15
(OP cries out in pain) Bartender: What's going on over here? OP: Augh, I just sat on my balls! Bartender: You sat on your own balls?! OP: Yeah, and it hurts like a $#%$^%$! Bartender: Don't you know you're not allowed to sit on your own balls here? You are harassing these nice young ladies by denying them the chance to sit on your balls! Get out of my bar!
unknown_user5566 27
"Through no fault of your own"? Who's fault was it, then? Edit- 16 squeezed in, and beat me to it.
LaLince 40
lol
ktc24 3
That was my exact thought. Who's fault was it then? The chairs...?
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
That awkward moment when 16 is you.
thisguy22 33
Squeezed was a poor word choice for this FML don't you think?
cnator 12
ignore this
firefly319 7
I like the fact that you pointed out specifically that you sat on your own balls... Who else's were around? ^.^
LaLince 40
YDI for "I swung my leg over the stool". Do you really think to impress a girl acting like that?
FlyingPie 17
I'd be crushed if that happened to me. But it's best not to get testy in that situation.
LuckyLynx7732 5
Through no fault of you own? So whose fault was it?
perdix 31
You could save a lot of money clubbing your balls at home.
Missy2612 11
Sounds like you are just a champion with the ladies. Smooth moves, ball cruncher.
winkydog4056 16
Through no fault of your own, of course (typical male slinging responsibility elsewhere), how exactly far do the ladies hang to get in a confrontation with a bar stool?