Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
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Top comments
gc327072 31
Whoa, badass girlfriend! Dealing justice one bitch-whipping at a time! Better not piss her off, OP, your balls would get kicked so hard they'd turn into diamonds. But hey, congrats on having a loyal girlfriend!
SquishFish 15
Hey, least she didn't take it wrong and think you were cheating on her!
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Comments (114)
alessandrakf 6
At least your girlfriend cares
ittsdann 6
I seriously thought it was going to be the girlfriend with another guy.
DingoCJ 15
Marry her.
Keattles 14
42- me too xD
plum_lovin 28
I'm guessing your girlfriend won the battle considering the way he said it, "beat the hell out of her"... so at least your girlfriend knows it wasn't you who was doing the groping.
Shiny_nickels 14
I can't even remember someone saying "tripping balls"... Ah, memories! You should try something else OP, I have heard clubbing gets boring after a while.
gc327072 31
Whoa, badass girlfriend! Dealing justice one bitch-whipping at a time! Better not piss her off, OP, your balls would get kicked so hard they'd turn into diamonds. But hey, congrats on having a loyal girlfriend!
lilhellian 27
Diamond balls.. I cannot imagine that without smiling.. :)
LiterOfCola 16
I was thinking they'd turn into peanut butter but diamonds are much nicer.. :P
AninOnin 24
Diamonds are a girl's best friends...
Harpy20 24
All I see is a future of bedazzled ballsacks...
Snoopy0718 14
Shine bright like a diamond.
Keattles 14
Really???? Rihanna????.......... Tisk tisk...
gc327072 31
16- fun fact: diamonds can be made from peanut butter, as it is carbon-based, and diamonds can be made from anything carbon-based. There's this giant machine that squishes whatever they put in the middle. (no lie, google manmade diamonds)
USMCbabyy 9
LMAO 46, I can totally imagine that. Haha that would be hilarious, someone should do it lol.
SquishFish 15
Hey, least she didn't take it wrong and think you were cheating on her!
winkydog4056 16
#12_Perhaps OP's girlfriend should beat the hell out of YOU for your hideous meth mouth spelling and grammar.....
hama806 19
23- I'm sorry but I fail to see that many glaring grammatical errors in 12's comment to warrant your nasty comment. Typos happen. Simmer down you grammar nazi wannabe!
sens3sfailing 25
Am I the only one thinking about how easy it is to beat the shit out of a person tripping balls?
ryry013 6
I thought this FML was going to end up with the GF breaking up with him because she thought he was cheating.
thatKidzmOm 10
44-maybe not. If they're tripping, they may not feel any pain and be harder to beat up or knock down. I guess it depends
lilhellian 27
I totally imagined her going Sakura on her. She certainly got clubbed.r
thebeautybleeds 17
SHANNARO!
chisty87 16
Dude I was so thinking the same thing lol
Attica 20
I didn't think of that. Thank you for the hilarious mental image XD
jaime411 11
Cha!
ma12r 22
I agree with everyone else here at least she was like OOH HELL NAW and serve some justice.
mercsl65 7
That's a down chick. Maybe not wife material but fun to hang around for a while
happle 21
What's wrong with you.
haha_funny_me 7
Seriously what was the point of that whole statement.
DogsPaw 16
Girl that sounds like a loyal person who doesn't jump to "He's cheating on me!" And fight to keep him?. Oh... Wait a second... I see it now! OP DO NOT MARRY HER!
pradip 26
7- I think you commented on the wrong FML, if you commented it on one where a girl kicked her boyfriends nuts for breaking up you'd have got lot of thumbs. Unfortunately here a girl kicks another girl so you can't say the same; in this case the girl is great, awesome, marry her blah blah...
mercsl65 7
I would tell my daughter a guy who is quick to fight when a problem arises is not a good match either. Just jumping to a fight could lead to her or you being arrested.probably could have been handled better. Just telling op to watch out for the violent acts of his great girlfriend.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
You gotta fight... For your right... TO PAAAAAARTAAAAAYYYYY!
LappDance 16
Listen al y'all, it's a sabotage!
evig_fml 16
We didn't start the fire It was always burning just the worlds been turnin...
ICastillo 25
Well that escalated quickly. Couldn't help it, had to do it. Thumb it down now. But I bet this is the same girlfriend who kicked ass in paintball. She is one badass chick.
lifeindafastlane 1
that's cool woman to have there
Hydromicide 6
Yeah dude, sounds like you've got an awesome girlfriend for real