Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML
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Top comments
Eaglestrike117 29
Stand up for yourself. She was coming on to you.
ibeinpain 5
Say, "That was a woman?!" I bet that would piss him off.
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Comments (115)
Eaglestrike117 29
Stand up for yourself. She was coming on to you.
DrDilllonReese 12
Upkick him square in the nuts
nonelikeworms 0
At least you know you got game.
death_dolphin24 0
12- Men don't hit other men in the balls, no matter how bad they be bitchin'.
alexd10293 0
And I will cum on to her too ;)
DrDilllonReese 12
But kicking, now that's another story
taternuts 0
Definitely grounds to throw down there. If you're a sweet piece of man meat it's not your fault. Smack that a-hole... Then let her boyfriend know his girlfriend is a floozie
thatssomeBS 9
This is a whole new meaning of getting ****** by a girl in the club.
Jonkbaby 23
odd family reunion
tygerarmy 35
You gotta fight For your right To party!
wiid_man 7
#31 If a man pulls a gun or knife on me and I'm unarmed then in going strait for the balls
fastnfurious 7
Should have did it again and hit him.
jwade11 12
This FML sounds extremely similar to a movie I've seen! That sucks for you OP! Seems like that happens a lot!
ibeinpain 5
Say, "That was a woman?!" I bet that would piss him off.
ColtsDoug18 0
More like piss her off...
Freeze_fml 17
OP identified her as a cute girl so I don't think the insult would be effective.
Jovecove 13
More like 'That was your woman' since she came to a bar with him yet she hit on other guys to dance with.
getoustahere 7
Better yet, tell him "your woman?? She's been every guys woman here tonight" ;) that'll piss him off :3
loveanthony645 5
Well, that is what you get for touching his woman.
jjdominguez 0
He didn't kno Duu
tacovender 7
Buy her because apparently she's property --"my woman"
sheethapins 13
Offer him two dollars, a Happy Feet burger king watch, and a piece of double bubble gum to buy her. That should do it.
breadfruit 0
6, people who say things like that piss me off to no end. Obviously women are not property. I'm pretty confident the man in the OP agrees with that, considering 99.9% (roughly) of people in modern society agree with it. "My woman" was simply a concise way to tell the OP that the woman with whom the OP was suggestively acting was in a relationship with him. Don't overthink things, especially when you're deciding whether or not they're politically correct.
leadman1989 16
Yes because women never say MY man or MY bf you're being really pedantic and petty.
ittsdann 6
And here comes the feminist to defend the *****. Not giving an excuse for her actions or saying they are wrong, but attacking the guy for saying my woman. If the girl said my boyfriend you would sit there with your mouth shut.
Freeze_fml 17
How do you refer to anyone of relation without using "my" before the noun? My parent. My friend. My sibling. My significant other. My spouse. My child. My professor. If you want to look at it that way, you can be a tight ass and think of everyone as property. To hell with the 15 idiots who thumbed you up.
ihasbrains 10
******* hate when feminists say stupid shit like that. You want equal rights? You get to work just as hard. Don't say chivalry is dead, because as far as I'm concerned, there's no need to treat you any better than a man. Not completely sure if this person is a feminist but it still brought up the topic lol.
Alexisthebestest 16
I never understood why some people got defensive over being called "my woman" or "my man". I used to have a boyfriend that called me "my girl". I thought it was cute :)
tacovender 7
Lol people take jokes way too seriously! The only reason the joke worked was because the language used by said bf of a **** was somewhat odd. Now, get over it :).
ihasbrains 10
It wasn't odd at all. It's normal for people to speak possessively.
graham11 14
Tell him who's boss! Anyway, how were you supposed to know she was taken?
every1luvsboners 11
Happens to all of us. You're drunk, a girl looks your way (probably thinking how disgustingly putrid you look) you think she wants your penos. You get knocked out. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
Otarin 6
I'm sorry but every time I see your pic I have no clue what the hell is going on in it. I stare and I stare but I receive nothing. Any chance of some enlightenment?
seximexi911 10
Wow. girls are complete bitches. Not afraid to admit it.
loveanthony645 5
You should be. Us bitches give stitches.
construction 7
You also whine like no tomorrow ...
mk58 31
You know, 20, I've met a few whiny men too, and they weren't in diapers or anything either.
sheethapins 13
This bitch wines like there's no tomorrow. ;)
IndigoAcrylic 9
29- Whine* xD
J0gby 0
men are complete dumbasses so it evens things out.
sheethapins 13
39 No, wine. Apparently your "I wish I was cool so I'll make my hair look straight out of an anime" hairdo blocked all thought to actually get the joke I made. This is why I hope you pay as much attention to school and logic as you do shopping for "hardcore" care bear outfits and purple non-permanent hair dye spray. Kids these days...
ZTD09 2
I got the joke because my hair isn't purple. >:)
zurisbloodyrose 0
Get up, wrap an arm around his waste and say "you're much finer than she is, bigboi." you'll either get knocked out again or a new boyfriend. I'd do it.
obsydian_fml 3
I don't think anybody wants to wrap their arms around waste! Ahhg!
zurisbloodyrose 0
damnyouautocorrect.
PurpleChica9 0
Sorry, OP, but he's so rude! We all know how he feels, though :...