Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet my cat. By doing so, I accidentally shocked her with the static electricity in my fingers, and she slashed my face in retaliation. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
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Top comments
yrkamurka 4
Flying pussy
dinosaurfeces 4
Sounds like a "cat"astrophe.
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Comments (120)
shifty96 0
Fuzzy wuzzy
edgestr 2
That's what you get for playing with your pussy in front of your sister.
JukeboxValkyrie 19
I sometimes toss my cat into the air and onto my bed. He purrs the whole way then tackles my pillows.
WaSiSimiLang 8
Lol ok relax guys I'm sorry that I didn't scroll down and did not see some1 already beat me to the song, and I don't really need your approval for a song do I reese? If you don't get it or thinks it is not right somehow that would be your own problem and it does not prove I'm a retard, your assuming tone just proves you think like one.
whosurdaddy123 0
U deserve it for being a gnarland!!!
SVZ 0
Why the hell do people see cats/dogs as toys?
DrDilllonReese 12
You're assuming I meant you? No no no, I meant the guy that beat you to it. So quit assuming things. Hypocrite
AnthonyR1997 3
you deserve it for having a cat
Sarah1042 1
Uhh, I don't know why it is that with all these comments, no one seemed to notice that- well, I'm no electrician- but I've never UNPLUGGED something and had it result in ANY noise. Yeah, uh, if the sister unplugged the TV the result would've been harmless silence. Nonsense.
WaSiSimiLang 8
Lol I asked you who you were referring to. You replied " the guy above me " which was me. Mind scrolling up to check that before you call me a hypocrite?