Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
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Top comments
theninja1800 11
Out of all the types of annoying douchebags in the world, hypocrites are the worst.
xlord 27
Please show her a book to read. It seems that knowledge from reading is become a hipster thing.
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Comments (160)
FrankHotpants 31
Personally, I just don't understand the whole vegan/vegetarian thing. It is indeed cruel how some animals are treated and processed but hey even Jesus ate fish, and from what I understand you can't go wrong following that guy.
CookieLovesBoo 16
Hypocrites. -,- and you can decide what you would like to be your not a child .
MidnaLink 35
This is where the words: "Fish is meat. **** off and die, you ******* hypocrite" come to mind.
BauerMegan 31
I ******* hate these idiot vegans making us humble vegans look bad! They need to get off their high horse, and stick to the rules.
sikunt89_fml 16
I can tell you're a vegan from your pic... All pale and sick looking... get some protein into you, mmmm red meat. Maybe eat some cheese and have a glass of milk, I'm sure your bones will really appreciate it.
BeepBeepSwerve 9
wow #111 you're a ******* idiot.
love_me_electric 20
Spinach has more protein per calorie than steak, more iron and calcium too. Red meat is actually mostly fat.
MerrikBarbarian 9
34- If you fish for you own you use a hook right? Ever tried sticking a hook through your lip? Fishing yourself is more ecologically sustainable, but not cruelty free. How cruel it is depends on dispatch method too. If you have enough anatomy knowledge pithing (pick to brain stem) is the most humane. Small scale sustainable fish farms where the fish are herded into a tight space by a wide net, scooped out a.quickly dispatched is the more humane method of getting fish. Oh and the correct term for a "vegetarian" who eats fish is pescatarian. I would know since I am one ;) I eat fish because I'd be in horrible pain without it, so even thought its not perfectly cruelty free, keeping it humane as possible works for me.
thisguy9643 6
Good point #3
jgtrflynn 9
Proving Facts! FML Edition! -plant produces oxygen -vegan eats plant -loss of oxygen -dead/dying brain cells -loss of intelligence/death Vegans cause lower IQ's and death;)
xgetxbentx 13
Does she not know what vegan means? If she eats fish she's a pescatarian, meaning the only meat she will eat is fish. Throw a dictionary at her. She can look up both vegan and tuna.
Martnikk 15
That was not a vegan but a vegetarian. Vegetarians can eat fish. There are plenty of them in the sea
tj4234 36
actually no. Vegetarians can't eat fish. That's a pescatarian
Gnu_fml 9
Vegetarians DO NOT eat fish! Fish are living creatures therefore off limits. Pescetarians eat fish. BIG difference!
Grimnirwher9 21
So where you from, fish grow on the trees?
Kitsi 14
pescatarians eat fish...vegetarians do not
trottay 9
Remember, meat is murder but fish is justifiable homicide
Helldemon 32
Remember, meat is murder but meat is justifiable homicide.