Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, I told my younger sister that meat comes from cute animals like chickens and cows, hoping she'd want to be vegan like me. Instead, she laughed and made up a song about how chickens turn into tenders and cows turn into cheeseburgers. I ended up being the one who got upset. FML
Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
You're not a militant vegan, you're a ******* psychopath. Seek help. Urgently.
smoochmysnoot 6
Why can’t vegans let other people eat what they want in peace? Vegans that are food nazis need to **** right off and mind their own damn business, you included. Asshole.
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Comments (7)
Wadlaen 24
I agree your life sucks, mainly because of your convictions...
BurnInDemonFire 39
You're not a militant vegan, you're a ******* psychopath. Seek help. Urgently.
smoochmysnoot 6
Why can’t vegans let other people eat what they want in peace? Vegans that are food nazis need to **** right off and mind their own damn business, you included. Asshole.
L0life29 6
you’re one the reasons this god damn country is going to shit
tiptoppc 21
And OP is the reason plants are going to shit..
jlc82 14
sounds like a great idea...potentially causing sickness in the animals you claim to love so much
Sertorius 10
Also note that the resulting allergy is only to mammalian meat, which contains alpha galactose. You can eat as much chicken and fish as you want. Dumbass.
Crowned Sataness 12
this is why we hate vegans