Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML
Today, I attempted to snoop around my daughter’s room, because I suspect her of having sex with her boyfriend behind my back. Hoping to find the evidence, I went to her room as soon as she left for school. Turns out she rigged her bedroom door. With glitter. Uh oh. FML
Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML
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Top comments
limeyemilyy 0
Rewrite some of it to freak her out
zcheema17 0
Lol! Don't go snoop around her stuff! But that is weird...
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Comments (480)
ifailplzinsultme 0
Well I get that your curious about your daughter but that's privite stuff on her laptop. You don't go snooping if you don't want to find out bad stuff. But I will admit that's a little odd. Neither FYL or YDI.
BoredomCentral 8
I believe the word you're looking for is "private".
ifailplzinsultme 0
I believe the sentence I'm looking for now is "I don't give a shit"
DncrHap 9
meh. she's sixteen, and that's past the time teens start thinking about having sex with other people. be happy she's exploring her sexuality through writing, and not, you know, actually having sex (granted, she could also be actually having sex. but for the sake of argument, let's say she's not). at the same time, you are her father, and it would be weird to find anything sexual on her computer. twilight-related or not. my sympathies.
MarioDragon 14
So she's into necrophilia and **********, let her be how she's happy.
dd809 9
Hahahahaha!!!!
heresIsaac 4
OP, don't think we don't know about your 1000 word Harry Potter sex fantasy
MsMeiriona 2
No, Harry Dresden. Even more fun.
ittybittybina 0
Lol
Rantarm 4
VIBRATICUS!!! *wand starts buzzing, followed by loud, bestial, man-like moaning. Harry and Ron look horrified and simultaneously utter: uhhhhh, hermiony?
HannahWho 8
*Hermione
MsMeiriona 2
Get the kid a present. A good book. I suggest the Dresden Files.
ifailplzinsultme 0
I suggest a can of whop ass
RaaabbleRabble 0
I ******* love the Dresden files. Those books are amazing.
MsMeiriona 2
Harry Dresden can show her how you deal with vampires and werewolves, also how having sex with them ends up getting your entire life destroyed, including everyone you cared about. Life lessons!
MsMeiriona 2
Re-education is still possible at that age. Giving decent literature is a start. And if that fails, the hardcovers do make a handy bludgeon.
Bleachfan_fml 0
Hey, XKCD for the profile pic. Nice. Also, for some things along those lines Darren Shan does some good YA stuff like that without sex. But if you like a good fantasy novel, I suggest the Twilight Reign series, by Tom Lloyd. Really good book, in my opinion.
kickazz16 15
I'd birch slap her for watching twilight. Shame in you, give her some Harry potter.
yummylicious 5
Back where I come from, we call it bitch slapping, not birch slapping.
MsMeiriona 2
No, see, you get a nice branch from a birch tree, and you beat their ass with it. Hence birch slapping.
valerie11_23 0
Agree!!!
HannahJoButtons 2
Birch slaps are the WORST! Anything but a birch slap!!!
stephy8687 0
Where I come from it's (shame on you)...
mikaylajarvis 0
that BS Harry potter so freaking gay wth dude
yummylicious 5
Sparkly vampires must be her fetish.
al09cool 3
You should make a book about it
hahalaughing 0
its great you call your own daughter a freak, asshole.
koolkat27 13
calm down, it was joke. if you can't take jokes, there's no reason to be on FML.
Herboski1315 0
His daughter is a freak.
shadowPlayer 6
Kind of cruel that you judge your daughter that harsh.