Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML
Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Gringo_fml 0
More like **** the cat's life......
ohdamn_fml 2
Cats never listen to you, don't waste your breath. Buy a spray bottle
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
Gringo_fml 0
More like **** the cat's life......
6969awesome 0
ha I'm 69th :D
ducky570773 14
Today, i decided to take a crap in the house and my owner left me outside. Alone. In the snow. FML
kewlster1 0
ur mean imagine if u were the cat!!!!! ruude go get a platypus
minidonut54 0
never, EVER scold your cat.
Panime 0
Really, nothing bad happened to you. Just got a note to chuckle about.
kagome_eb 0
thats child abuse now in days? shooot I been getting worst! but I dono you deserve it. I have a cat, and I know how they are, you cant just yell at them like that dose you any good, plus if you do leave it outside it could die and you will be charge with abuse but for animals. so yeah, its verbal abuse, which docent do much until it turns into action.
someone2me2 1
DOES not DOSE Stuid iliterate Americans
SilenNex 0
^^stfu! america is way better than wherever you're ay
TrollFeeder 10
Stupid stereotyping douche bag. Get off your high nationalist horse and get on your knees and suck my balls dry.
SnowTrooper19 0
66- Even though you're not American, I see the irony in your comment.
AceGthebest 16
Wow for once I regret unhiding a comment
ijrnelson 0
To be honest don't be mad at your neighbour, if you believe child abuse to be going on then you are doing the right thing by standing up to it. Also cat's don't understand punishments like these - they don't understand what they are being punished for. The best way to train them is to show them their mess and then tap them on their nose or shout at them (not really hurting them physically but giving them a little scare). They can then associate this punishment with this action. Keep doing it every time and they will soon stop.
Setareh23 34
I like what you're saying, but I just want to point out that child abuse is rarely (if ever) solved by someone giving the parents a note. If anything, it'll just make the parents more secretive. Instead, someone who suspects should call the appropriate services. Even if there's a possibility they might be wrong and the parents are very good parents, as you said it's important to take a stand when you believe the child is being hurt. Better to be wrong, than to be right yet say nothing.
ohdamn_fml 2
Cats never listen to you, don't waste your breath. Buy a spray bottle
Otherhats 20
Spray bottles are dickish. Just pick the cat up mid shit/piss and put it in a litter box. It figures it out pretty quick.
boer 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why the **** are you talking to your cat? People are weird these days..
ellykhoshkele 0
hahahahahahhaha this was really funny actually :P i mean sorry my heart goes out tu u but i was really funny =)) y would u talk to ur cat? :))
cryssycakesx3 23
why would you talk to humans?
fortunecookie_fml 0
no matter how much you try that cat won't understand what you're saying. you sound like my crazy neighbor. I have to listen to her yell at her dogs 12 hours a day.
Gnieves28 4
You must be my neighbor :P
cryssycakesx3 23
people yelling at dogs are so much more annoying than whatever the dog is doing.
Lick_yer_face 0
#6: I always talk to my cat! The only weird part is if she talks back... OP: Just explain to them that you were talking to your cat. That should scare them away from leaving any more notes...
coffeentea 0
Poor kitty. You know, cats can stay angry when you talk to them like that. Not like children; you can kick those around and they always come back when they're hungry. Not that, um, I'd do that to my own children. I'm a cat lady anyway.