Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to use the bathroom when I woke up this morning. My cat was sitting in front of the toilet and absolutely refused to move. I seriously tried every humane way of getting her to move, but she didn't budge. I had to sit really awkwardly on the toilet to do my business. When I stood up, she moved. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, my cat followed me into the bathroom. While I was showering, he knocked over the storage shelf behind the toilet. The shelf was the perfect length to wedge the shower door completely closed. No one was home so I had to climb over my tall shower door all slippery and naked. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
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Top comments
lchollett 22
Assert your dominance by peeing in its litter box and then guarding said litter box whenever your cat has to go.
britni2point0 6
Pee on the cat!
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Comments (95)
jakeyjakey1232 9
Scruff it or piss in the sink!
Matheo_fml 21
You might want to consider some Krav Maga lessons for next time...
arano 29
Krav Maga is stupid. Learn something useful like Muay Thai or Jiu Jitsu
larrena2377 26
Krav Maga is definitely not stupid. It's a great self defense
ShirtlessWonder 17
Krav Maga itself is not stupid, but how it's usually taught in the US is stupid.
Surfboy1017 9
Krav Maga is the best, youre right.
UserError94 18
I'm trying to learn how to use chopsticks
lukeDAduke157 11
Its not stupid and I do Jiujitsu!
Badkarma4u 17
Why spend all that money on training and uniforms. Learn spray bottle and water - fu, and piss in your own toilet.
womperman 6
Krav Maga is one of the best self defense there is
mld4657 28
Well next time stand in his kitty litter box and stare him down.
Swandive235 27
Solution: Use oven mitts to grab your cat.
McDerp 11
Other solution, have dog not a cat.
shessohighh 10
I would have started swatting it with a broom. Cats can be a-holes.
britni2point0 6
Pee on the cat!
majesticprincess 19
This is why dogs are mans best friend and not cats
leogachi 15
@6 Most cats don't do things like that, and even if they did most people aren't stupid enough to just let it happen.
allplayedout 20
Have you ever met a chihuahua? I'd take any cat, any day.
Rababco 29
#70 Or my Pomeranian, she's a nutcase.
ChaiseT 16
Cats are evil
Mrtigerblue 14
you're just a pussy.
jerryj 27
Oh my, how witty!
scyth3s 13
What a witty kitty!
rshweky 17
Cats will win in a stare down 10 times out of 10. You're no match for them OP.
lchollett 22
Assert your dominance by peeing in its litter box and then guarding said litter box whenever your cat has to go.
gracehi 33
That's a losing battle. The cat will just piss all over OP's home because he gives zero ***** because he's a cat and that's how cats are. The better strategy would be to simply apply boot to cat butt.