Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML
Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Gringo_fml 0
More like **** the cat's life......
ohdamn_fml 2
Cats never listen to you, don't waste your breath. Buy a spray bottle
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
Gringo_fml 0
#6, when i call my cat she answers, when i say come here she comes, when i say shut up she lays on the floor..... They're intelligent animals
PsyPako 0
Maybe you should take your neighbor to the backyard and put his stupid butt on snow until him figure out that it's not a good idea to listen someone else talk.
Callyn 47
How could you throw a cat out in the snow? It's not like he would know what you're punishing him for, you're just going to make him freeze to death.
greenman_fml 0
You should have taken the cat out to the back and shot it for getting you in trouble with your neighbors
cat_girl 0
Are you trying to make the cat go outside for the bathroom? That is a little strange for a cat to do, isn't it?
jim69_fml 0
ummm are you stupid?
discoinferno 0
Cats don't use a bathroom, they use a litter box. Why would you say "learn to use the bathroom"?
bsneeze 0
i just giggled out loud.
melange_fml 0
What kind of person thinks scolding is verbal abuse? Discipline is important for children! Gotta keep those nasty ******* in line!
jouhou 0
@3, 14, & 20 You seriously think yelling at your kid and locking him outside the house in the freezing cold for not using the bathroom correctly is acceptable parenting?
tisiphone_fml 0
No, but scaring the living daylights out of the kid by making him -think- it will happen works --really-- well. Nosy neighbor should have left his or her nose out of your business, regardless, unless a kid was really left outside. Hope you replied to the note and embarrassed the hell out of him or her. I love my cats, but other than gathering that you're angry, they really don't understand what you're saying. I think at one point or another, every cat or dog owner has said something to their pet. Just... don't leave the cat outside in the cold, either.
absolutely_ridic 0
Why were you trying to teach a cat how to use the bathroom outside anyway?...that's what litter boxes are for.