Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"
HortonThelephant 15
Sprechen sie dick!
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Comments (76)
nattynatters 14
Oh blah blah. Old men like to get it in too. "Ew" is kind of rude. You would have been excited had he been younger.
threer 30
Except he wasn't. The age gap is the "ew" part.
pdp_fml 21
Well, you must have looked like you needed some company. Anyway, it's too bad for you to be hit upon by geriatric men.
TheDrifter 24
Geriatric? He's middle aged for chrissakes, it's not like he's in a nursing home.
gc327072 31
People are like books: if preserved correctly, they have a nice smell.
starile 20
And your books.
TheDrifter 24
I reckon that's better than hanging from the ceiling like dried herbs. It all depends on whether you run out of shelf space, I suppose.
ladypunk 8
Hey du kleine Tittenmaus, kommst du heut zu mir nach Haus?
Futacy 30
English mothafucka, do you speak it!?
ladypunk 8
Nö
JanisEvans 10
It's not. Pension = something like a B&B.
bubutata 2
Your friend was wrong. Pension in German can mean both, the money you receive after your retirement or a B&B.
helenbooster 2
In my broken English I misread it as prison.......
airhead2015 18
Looks like he was trying to look for a mate, mate!
buckdharma 38
He needs someone to retire with op. *wink wink*
Michael903 18
Once you go old you never go back....um, old is as old does...screw it. It sucks getting old. That's why I refuse to do it!
perdix 31
You do realize that if you went back to his pension, you'd get some of his pension. And if you kill him with your hot, young sex moves you could have all of his pension and get to stay in his pension, after they remove his happy, dead body;)
graceinsheepwear 34
You have this all thought out...should we be checking your passport for recent travel to Austria, perdix?