Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"
HortonThelephant 15
Sprechen sie dick!
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Comments (76)
Enslaved 38
fahrvergnügen!
perdix 31
Isn't that the German stew made from rabbits? Rabbits like Bugs Bunny? No, wait, that's hasenpfeffer...nvm.
sophiekat 19
I'm from Germany. I was born their and lived their until I was 10 years old. Pension does not mean apartment. You can either call it die wohnung or das appartment. I hate fake FML's like these
ThatAss 14
Im an aussie and never ever heard that expression.... Maybe he thought you wanted a sugar daddy and actually meant pension $
prinzess_fml 25
Austria, not Australia...
buckdharma 38
Aussie, I see errors too.
baref00tmama 15
You're an Austrian? Or a confused Australian?
ifavela89 13
I think the winking kinda suggested it. at least you didn't go to his pension.
captaincarlz 17
Actually it means a bed and breakfast. Wohnung is apartment.
wiccaantje 21
Wohnung means a place to live in, like home but without the emotional feelings, not specifically an appartment.
askullnamedbilly 33
Actually, #49 is correct. 'Wohnung' is a place of residence within a building occupied by more than one household. You absolutely cannot use it if you own the entire house and are the only person living there, even if you hate the place.
Pinkfun69 4
That's great you got hit on and did not even know it!!
worldclassrager 41
Good thing he clarified..that must have gotten a little awkward...next time you hear pension you'll know...
tidesofme 2
thats not the right word for aparment in german maybe the austrian version?
ulissey_fml 22
He just wanted you to have a Fahrt at his place, because he had some Kunst to show you ;) ( I have a Goethe feeling people won't get that one)
icyhottt 11
I feel like I've read this fml a long time ago...