Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
hghrider123456 9
that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"
HortonThelephant 15
Sprechen sie dick!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (76)
gazettefan42 8
That's like if you are white with blond hair sometimes old or middle aged men will ask if your Russian. Which means they think your a prostitute and want to use your services.
shredzone 5
At least you have tried to speak German! I guess you'll find false friend words in every foreign language.
L_Guy_5 1
Vienna is different. You can read this on almost every entrance to the city ("Wien ist anders")
Ladisa 28
I'm not sure about the different meanings of 'pension' in Germany, but here in Austria it definitely means retirement.
shredzone 5
Austrian is a dialect by itself and sometimes difficult to understand even for native German speakers. For example, the Austrian word for mosquito ("Gelse") is almost unknown in Germany (here it's called "Mücke").
Ninjataco1234 4
I learned in school that the word for apartment is Wohnung.
XxEmo_PaganxX 13
Actually the German words for apartment and pension are nowhere close to each other. Nor is one associated with the other. Your friend may have lied to you, unless they meant "boarding house."
RowanNightShade 22
Austrian and German are different languages (much like German and Swissdeutsch) for many words. While you can generally get the idea of Austrian with a German language base, many, many words are different. There are always regional dialects, but there is a reason Austrian and German are separated by languages when you are taught German. My teacher had a big spiel about it in class about how confused she could get when visiting Austria (and she was born and raised in Marburg).
Mcstud1y 30
Took me a second